God?

S'one was looking kindly on me yesterday. As I was sitting with my VERY poorly Mum. With silent tears rolling down my cheeks, clutching and kissing one hand, whilst my other arm was been licked and sucked, she gasped a few breaths, the time inbetween getting longer.She struggled to take a deep breadth, and I silently prayed that she wouldn't struggle anymore.

And she didn't.

xxzxxxxxxx

Mum...... June1930- Nov 2011 RIP

We lit a chinese lantern, wi my bruv and laughed at the memories, you have given us Mum. We all Love you, sooo much. xxx

My Mum

My Mums still incredibly powerful (secretly I've always been scared of her) She is the only person alive, who can get my bruvs and I, together in a small room, in an hour!! I don't want to speculate about what will happen.

My lil windfall is all tied up with f* bureaucracy, so that's another big puzzle?

I cycled to Mums in about 5mins, and I am going tomorrow. And I am legitimately using my SDS money to buy some lights on the way home.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

:) FANTASTIC DAY!!!!

I was soooo very depressed, but then a little birdie (not sexist at all, but it was called Laura) told me I had a secret Mortgage 'stash'. What an absolute relief!!!

Firstly my taxi arrived 30mins early, then the taxi driver asked me to get the staff at HIRC, to confirm that I was ok to be dropped off, at Zest!!! The driver thought it too dangerous, to let a 'Brain Damaged jibbering woman', loose on the streets of Sheffield!!!! :D I had to bite my tongue!! as I put it back in my mouth after licking the window, at passers by.

I met Miriam, and was driven for a gorgeous lunch, from where I buy lunch When I'm at Hillsborough, I wish I'd had more time to call in and see Nick :(

But after 4 years of really thorough research and discussions, finally the day had arrived, when Jay and I were to interview our first Survivor 0f Brain Injury, about his discharge (yuk!)process. And what a fantastic couple 'Mark' and 'Sue' (fictitious names) were? I know Jay, my partner and Occupational Therapist at the Centre, was happy, with how things went. I think the couple were just happy to be back in the security of HIRC. Which had obviously offered some comfort 8 years ago.

My Cab arrived, I rushed back just in time for my first lot of tricka treaters of the evening. My daughters gone out looking like an evil but very attractive Lily Cole!! and my Son ? some kind of Terrorist!!!

Today has really tired me :)

I'm going to visit Mum tomorrow. (watch it rain)

Boooooa!!!!!

Ghosties and goulies and things that go bump!! in the night. That's what tonight was supposed to be about, or should I say 9 big bumps for my son. Who celebrated his b'day. I usually get depressed on his b'day because it is a lot to do on my own, arrange a party, Halloween, bonfire night and my daughters b'day. All in the space of 2 weeks. But apart from being a bit mardi because our son was too tired for football. My ex proved to be exemplary, by taking control of most things, which, I know is s'thing I grumble about, (when folk try to take control) but as I really didn't have cash or energy I welcomed it. But saying that tonight was my children, and I, Pete, next doors children and Ok, Ok Mark brought all the youngsters home.

So my children ate like kings, and I said yes ok, it's fine to have double gammon and egg!! (with ££ signs totting up in my eye balls) But Whats done is done. And it 'got me out', folk always say that to me, as if I'm some kind of knee hugging window lick er!!

Hey but I cycled there and back, not too far!! but it's a right pain because I ain't got any lights so I crawl metaphorically speaking along the pavement, but there's no street lights either!!!! So now I'm home, Pete's gone home bless. And I am left to go melancholic about the last 9 years, I can honestly say, I only regret 16months of that. And they were the months I spent wasting my tears, when their Dad traded me in for a younger, prettier looking bird, whose about as interesting as.........she evokes no image :)

Write Way

My mission for the term.....To try and be more inspiring in my writing, I just want folk to feel energised, and want to go out and cycle when they see me getting so much from it. And I know only I have the ability to make things more riveting in my life, but if I can convey that in the written word?

We all had different aspirations, for the next 6 weeks. Plus 'Olga' had joined, she had had a Stroke, which damaged the left side of her brain. So, what a crew we are....2 car accidents, 1 motorbike, 2 brain tumour survivors, and 1 anesthetic 'overdose'!!! I think there are some more folk joining next week, ooooh what interesting damage will they have? I'm serious, because it's all a bit fascinating to me?

So our journey continues on for another 6 weeks.

I have got to say, at this point I find Stephs written work fantastic, and without doubt the best. It is very real, and perhaps a little distressing, so not a cheery happy uplifting writer. But if you can take it, it's very good. And I think he will uncover more this term, as he really does use the cathartic powers the Write-way.

:(

I am a paper mac he brain? Very long story which I won't go into for fear of being frightfully boring!! (im pissed, you can tell?) but I was/am convinced that I've been taking 400mg of tegretol retarde x2 when in actual fact whether by intent or other I have lived happily 'fit' free for 5 years on 200mg x2. Either way after taking 400 all week, I've been a bit poorly. Too ill for Hillsborough, which was a real shame. I did miss it.

With my..... Oh my goodness have you seen the Sheffield telegraph today? What a massive feature they did on 'Write Way, the writing group for the brain injured. But I really didn't believe they would print all the stuff I spoke about to the Journalist, it was just too ordinary. But yes they did, so apologies to anyone who got dragged in there at least I didn't say anything derogatory, and I could have. I wish it had said a bit more about the purpose of the writing group though. Instead of glamorising? me, if I could ever be glamorised.

I am a bit drunk so you might have to take what I'm saying with a pinch of salt!! I've just been to the Spit, to meet my old (as in a long time ago) colleague I worked with on my first ever job. At a huge Asylum!!! (psychiatric hospital, dating back to 1850) We were innocent and naive, and believed in human privacy, and not sharing a commode in the middle of the day room, or sheep dipping in a bath at night.

Do you recall, ~I did an active travel show at brammel Lane Sheffield, well apparently she had great fun trying Ziggy round the car park. But of course we never really met, Steve or Gavin had helped her.
Anyhow, I'm a tad drunk, child free. And my dilemma is should I have my tablets tonight?

I've got creative writing in the morning, which will be fun for Steph and I but the other 4 members of the group might feel a bit neglected.

Brockwood :)

I had my nearly teenage daughter and her mates round last night to stop o'r. Now this is conceited of me I know, but I do enjoy the challenge of educating them very subtley about how bonkersly normal brain injured folk can be. And I'm happy to say they think I'm well cool because of Ziggy. Of course they were all especially interested in my RTA because of their mate Charlie :( Four rounds of eggy bread and beans for the guests, all the washing moved on a stage in the dirty....washed.....dried.....folded....put away process, and my taxi arrived to take me to work, happy in the knowledge that my kids were shared equally between their friends.

I can't tell you the amount of times I've told my Personal Story for folk, and it's not that I fib or even embelish parts, it's just that I seem to forget bits s'times, and sometimes I don't. But a big HELLO, if I met you today, good luck, and why not use Hillsborough as a preventative measure, it could lead to so much more as I discovered.

Hey, I was bored yesterday, I hate been bored...whilst opening m,ail I came accross a letter from Motability, asking me to take advantage of their car hirwe scheme. As I say, I was bored. So I sent them an email asking why they didn't promote pedal trikes bla, bla. Anyway I got a phone call tonight from Motability, saying how fantastic my story was.....but basically NOT for them :( I did kinda try, and I did get on with the Mineon who phoned me.

I'm at Hillsborough tomorrow, how embarrasing I will see Fred and Lawrence, the last time we met they bundled me into a taxi, after my face first tricks into my curry. Then Mums, cycle home, I hope I don't need any lights!! eek. Then remember Lorraine? Who I met a Brockwood a few weeks ago? we're meeting at the spit. My children? who knows....:).....I do actually, they are staying at my bruvs for the night.

Radio Sheffield.....but not me

Matt Colbeck, and fellow brain injury survivor/writer, of Blue Polystyrene shoes the best story in the Anthology ,in my opinion, were on my fave DJs Rony Robinsons show this morning. And Matt spoke of the uplifting story of rehab through cycling, I guess that's mine then? :) thanks Matt for that. x

I'm working at Brockwood tomorrow, which I love.

I was Mother Theresa last night, and looked after my little boys STEP brother overnight. I know I astound myself at times!!

Forgot all my heartfelt love and best wishes for a full recovery too my daughters 'boyfriend' (one of a few!!) who fell off his BMX at 'Chain Breakers' bike jumps made from piles of mud, (you know the sort?) Now this happened about 6 weeks ago, and he's been in an induced coma ever since, well until a week ago. After a series of joyful phone calls, my girl and mates paid him a visit today, and they were very shocked. I'm not gonna get into the helmet/no helmet argument, but definitely when stunt riding. He's 12 is in a wheelchair, has no front teeth, had 2 fractured eye sockets. And no ones really sure about the long term prognosis, they say it's too soon. But evidently his short term memory, is non exist ant. I don't know if a helmet would have helped, but I think common sense says it would.

Yorkshire Post

Ooops I'd forgotten, we were to feature in The Yorkshire Post today (p9) 'Group that is rewriting story of those with brain injuries' I'm guessing that maybe you'll be able to get it in the archive section tomorrow? but I can't find the link - sorry Dave. And yes you were right it was on Broadsheet, to get my inflated, falling out of the dress boobs pic in!! As usual it goes for the blood and gore angle, preferring to discuss my accident, and the past. And Stephs fantastic true life recollection, of what coming out of the coma was like for him.

Anyway gone were any ideas of watching 'Under the Hammer'. Nigel mailed me to remind me to pick him a copy up because he was away. And I felt better, I'd say about 95%, so off I cycled and bought a couple of copies. Hey I actually sound quite eloquent!! not the usual na den stuff!! And of course it promotes cycling and the fab CTC, not Hillsborough though :( But it does go on to say how much I've enjoyed the chance to show that I have the mental capacity, to write. Which reminds me!! Have you heard of a guy called Norman Doidge? Well I'm buying his book 'The Brain that Changes Itself , because thats sooo my philosophy, if you fill your brain with positive things, it will change and repair and grow.

A minor misunderstanding when I sent s'one at the CTC a mail, with Lu and a x. I'm pleased to say once they had an explanation, that I always behaved in such a way. It was 'passed' as ok!! Has society lost all it's humility and depth? are we to become androids or s'thing?

Thank you Pete, my solitary reader. I didn't need the recipe, which convinces me, it was a reaction to the jab. xx

I aint well, or I haven't cycled?....both.

I ain't cycled since Friday, and I wish I had the oomph to make myself, I know I'd feel better. Instead I feel like I'm burning up, but I have no snotty nose or sore throat. It is possible it's a kick back of my flu jab? I want to feel different anyway. Pete called to make sure I was eating etc...:) I am lucky, I know.

Friday...:)

I'm really sorry Kevin, I have tried so hard to load the advert for the Inclusive Cycling Event on Friday the 28th of October in Oxford. It really sounds like it's gonna be fab, so I can bet my life you're involved.

Regarding the ICF meet on the 5th, I still can't say for definite, as I have no sponsor now for all the 'nice' things. Anyway isn't it at St Paul's where all the riots are going to be I don't doulbt? And there is a tiny question of my children?

My leg aches, it's defiantly to do with my socks though. I've got an appointment for the Drs on Monday! I know, it's stunning that it's so quick! I normally have 5 days to wait. My tummy aches, but that's a normal expectant thing, or the opposite to being expectant!!

I still feel mightily hung o'r from Monday, or s'things else is up. I'm not my usual positive self.

Oooh Sheffield Telegraph phoned this morning, and are doing a feature on the Story I wrote and read, at Headlines Launch. I expected the interest to be in the writing group, but that's not the case. They were interested in My old Dad, and his Bench and Ecclesall Woods. I put the phone down, and The Yorkshire Post called, but this time they wanted to know about the Writing group.