I know I'm slacking!!

Thursday, and Hillsborough, didn't do it for me. I mean it was ok, and I did a fair bit, firstly with Sue H and Sue M....(I hope I got that!!)who are both similar to me in the fact that they are women in their 40's? who are Survivors of brain damage. But theirs caused by a Stroke, in both cases. As usual, we do about 4 laps of the park, and back to the Cabin, for a cuppa. Lawrence had arrived as we started, and I'd invited him to join us, he said he'd catch me later. Sue H was a fund seeker for worthy causes, so volunteered to join the Save Caroline at Hillsborough crusade.

She offered, I've given in now, as with most things.

I checked on Marjorie and Brian, as she is getting so much stronger, on the Low rider. Brian following her dotingly on a 2 wheeler.

The lovely Dave Santa arrived, to just cycle really and be on hand for anyone who needed him from the Mental Health group. Who I kinda tagged on with. After the butty run.

Ahhhhh, folk are so lovely about Lurchers, they are just so renowned for being gentle. I was discussing with Nick, that I was being home checked on Sunday, with a view to adopting one. He said, if Steve hasn't offered to give it a holiday home. You know I will.....If it's a Lurcher. And he has a 'Couch Potato' Greyhound, and a 18month old child.

I drove past Henliegh Hall, on the way home. I was tempted, to just get dropped off anyway, and cycle home. But I'd crammed in 2 other meets, in the spare time.(purposely, because I'm still not in a good place.) I was meant to be dishing out advice, an unpaid Consultant, for some friends setting up in the Care business. And then I cycled to the Spit, to meet Lorraine. We talked loads, and I cried....again!! But she did invite her and her boyfriend to Hillsborough the following week, with a view to her boyfriend taking me in his big Volvo Estate. (only temporary though)???

I am here, is anyone still there?

I thought I'd change my mood, by concentrating on my blog, for 10 mins. Because all I seem to be doing at the moment, is concentrate on what's slipping, and whats gone. I feel like Hillsborough, and my work as a Health Champ, is slipping away. And therefore loads of my relationships?My Bezzy mate of the moment, is back with his ex, so thats gone.

And we buried my lovely Mum yesterday.

My bruv, wrote and read 'Family Memories' I laughed and cried, they were brilliant. A crowd of us scraped the graveside mud, from our shoes, and went back to his for a drink.

And now? I feel totally at a loss, I don't feel needed, or wanted by anyone.

I will go to Hillsborough tomorrow, for the penultimate time. :(

It hasn't changed my mood I've just reminded myself why, I'm miserable.

Greenspeed Magnum?

As I'm a bit better off than normal due to having really struggled for 6 years, not knowing that I was paying £180 a month too much, into my Mortgage account!!! I must be shrewd!!!- not at all!! So because I've now got a bit extra? I looked at the knew Greenspeed today, so that I am mobile continuously, without pause, to get some one to mend a puncture etc.Hey they're a bit Sexy, and attractive, hang on I'll gi you the link.

http://www.greenspeed.com.au/pdfs/Greenspeed.Magnum.pdf

That doesn't look like it will work!!

I'm thinking about it, especially if Carol and Rob, of West Country Recumbents, are distributing, because they have been incredibly supportive.

The cost for a Magnum is £1876 and guess how much they weigh? ......2lbs!!!

I met some fab lurches today, all looking for a good home, the temptation is there, but I think it might be better if we waited to the longer days. And I know I said I didn't want one with a history, but the guy said...the dogs stay in Foster Homes, until they are adopted. And they won't let them go unless they are sure. So that's another thing occupying my little brain at the Mo. Avoidance? Maybe? I was bored on Friday, I haven't been bored for ages!!!

I'm happy

Perhaps a little insy bit jealous and threatened? By another brain injured man that I welcomerd and incoured to cycle, met many times at Millhouses, and encouraged to come to Hillsborough, I've even lent him my dog cart!!!! And he likes it so much he also wants to volunteer aty Hillsborough. And I know the more the merrier, but we are a good team as it is. Or am I just being very selfish?

Great day!!! lots of circuits of the Park, in the rain. but Hey we were cool :)

I missed not visiting my Mum after, but a visit from an old friend when I got home, made up for that ;)

mmmm a bit boring

All for love :)

Firstly....I love Pete!!!! he found my filofax, which ad my life in!! On the driveway by the bins. xxxxx

I looked at the beautiful bouquet of pink and white Carnations, and Roses, as I left this morning. Just to remind myself, why I do it? Work hard for the council, for free!! and it's because of the lovely folk it has brought me in contact with.


The taxi arrived, to take me to a meeting that had been set up about a Network of Networks they were setting up to monitor Health Services (it all sounds a bit jargonistic to me)

I left half way through, because it was sooo boring, and there were folk in my group who were just sooo negative, and they just kept shouting above the facilitator. (How Rude!!!) Before I left, I suggested a way of getting feedback from the groups in Sheffield that were often, not heard, was to '~Plant' Health watch Champions. Who as well as getting inside feelings, on how the Mental Health Service? was doing for example? or Child hood Obesity ?they could do some really positive befriending, and activities (not just cycling, honest)

Anyway....I said my bit x

I nipped to the shops, got a truck load of bright pink clothes for my Mums funeral. And moved onto Hannahs meeting after I'd bought these really spongi velcros shoes. That were for old folk, but hey I'm sure I'll be delightfully comfortable. We chatted, and planned 'The Record Of Involvement' which is to be, something the more regular volunteers for ASC, can show off their achievements.(that sounds frightfully tokenistic!!! but it's not, well we hope not)

Have I ever mentioned a Guy called Andy Brown? He's a bit of a technophobe, like really bad worst than me, cant evcen use a moby. But he's shit hot at fixing bikes? I know he'll never read this!!!!

I'm happy to say, he's called and fixed my wee boys brakes, and repaired as puncture on the tyre. And wouldn't except a bottle of wine or even a bean.

So busy, so sleepy.

I'm not really grumbling,because I would hate to be bored. I went to my BIRRP meeting, hey it's great now because I have my own taxi, so I can do things before it and after. I'm not sure how Long they will stretch to that though, cuts been like they are!!!

My friend Sally? I have mentioned her before. Well she heard about My Mum, and wanted a meet straight after I got back, so I was happy to cycle to meet her at a local coffee shop. And wow, poor Sally, had lost her Mum in September, to Cancer. And although her Mum was 'com pus mentos' I think because of that fact she suffered more. So we sat talked I listened, and now I'm well knackered. My wee boy spotted me in the cafe after school, rushed in and pulled up a pew :)And I've just cycled home ....all down hill so no worries there.

And just by the by, I logged on to report the fact that we've had no street lights, for over a week!!! and I got to read relevant reports that had gone in about the same subject. Anyway they've been out of order since 31st of October. Good job I got some very fee bl;e, but better than no2wt wrap around cycle lights.

Friends

I am happy, I mean ? I feel very lucky. I set off at 9.00 to meet folk in Millhouses Park, and then go on an extra mile, to the Bank (eeeek!!) Pam, the lovely Pam rushed out to greet me, as I was locking Ziggy up. She was full of hugs, and sorrow, (Steve M had tipped her off!)

'Don't be sad, it was the best thing that could have happened. The only time I cry, is when I miss her, and that's just me being selfish'

We sat down, and my cycling hero - Mr Steve Marsden CTC arrived with a card, obviously not sure what to expect of me, we were joined by Dave Santa. Who actually was really positive about me, he said the most fitting song for my funeral, would be 'Always Look on The bright Side of Life.'But I think my children have decided on 'I want to ride my Bicycle' by queen. We sat and chatted about how I should be buried with my trike, or have my Tiara on my top of my coffin.

Richard, my friend from BIRRP arrived out of the blue!! ~You know kind of familiar face, wrong setting. It was lovely that I could introduce him to some of the most important people in my life.

If the road hadn't have been so busy at 9am, I might have struggled to pass my Mums home, but my inner survival mechanism had kicked in, and I sailed forward, only wishing I was 10ft taller with 8ft arms as I indicated to turn Right accross the very busy road into the park.

Catch you later.....xxx

Empty.....

I'm not really sad, don't let me mislead you. I am truly happy, nahhhh that's too strong, I'm certainly not full of energy, and laughter today. I did cycle to lil tesco, and yes it did seem strange turning round and heading home instead of continuing to HH to see my Mum. I felt like I'd got a guardian Angel looking over me? until I foolishly thought I could pull out about 100 yards in front of a car.Unfortunately, I don't cycle at 40 miles an hour and he was soon 'on top of me' sounding his horn with disapproval. That brought me back to reality!!!!

Altogether Better were on BBC1 last night, in The Big Lottery Awards, which was a very plush affair by the looks of it. Unfortunately they didn't win, but it looked like the winning was getting to the final, like how I felt at the Pride of Britain awards 1 year ago. My daughter got 5 seconds of fame!! when they had filmed her on the grass, at the Heritage Park.

Ahh Pams just txt me to say, she's wanting a meet in the Park, so that will give me an excuse to go,. How hard will it be going past my Mums though?

I'm back...

I'm here and ok, I think. I reckon I'm the lucky one who was privaliged enough to share Mums final moments, on this planet. And then glad that my bruv had the sensitivity and foresight to buy a Chinese Lantern and Pink Champagne, for us to raise our glasses and toast farewell to Our Mum as the lantern drifted off into the stary sky. Because to all intents and purposes Mum was in that lantern, as it was lifted to the heavens.

My children were a bit hysterical at this thought at first. But now feel all cried up, and only have the happy memories, that make them realise, just how lucky they were, or we all were to be hers.

I have spent my time busy phoning distant relatives and searching out Mums old friends, I joined Friends Reunited, in a vain attempt to contact Mums workmates. I do love catching up, but it's unbelievable folk always presume, that I'm bored, and lonely? Because all of Mums friends intend to visit me now!!

Hey, have I said about Adult Social Care, sending me that fantastic bouquet of flowers? And I know it's not a competition!!!! but I've got 7 sympathy cards. And my ex collegue Lorraine called round today, with flowers.

And my Hobs broken, Urrrgh!! I realise that was random.

I was a shoulder to cry on last night and first thing to my friend who'd been a birth partner for a teenager, whose baby was still born. I mean F* poor woman and girl.

The funeral (i'm off at another tangant!!!)is at Crookes Cemetry, in Sheffield. And my Dad, Hazel, Holly, and Blue dog ashes, are all going in. So they will be fighting for space!!!On Tuesday the 15th of November, at 10.30 am.

I'm really sorry to Kev and the Gang, the CTC Inclusive Cycling Forum AGM was in London today. Also did anyone see hopw Alltogether better got on in the best Lottery fund thing?

I hope you've missed me :) x

God?

S'one was looking kindly on me yesterday. As I was sitting with my VERY poorly Mum. With silent tears rolling down my cheeks, clutching and kissing one hand, whilst my other arm was been licked and sucked, she gasped a few breaths, the time inbetween getting longer.She struggled to take a deep breadth, and I silently prayed that she wouldn't struggle anymore.

And she didn't.

xxzxxxxxxx

Mum...... June1930- Nov 2011 RIP

We lit a chinese lantern, wi my bruv and laughed at the memories, you have given us Mum. We all Love you, sooo much. xxx

My Mum

My Mums still incredibly powerful (secretly I've always been scared of her) She is the only person alive, who can get my bruvs and I, together in a small room, in an hour!! I don't want to speculate about what will happen.

My lil windfall is all tied up with f* bureaucracy, so that's another big puzzle?

I cycled to Mums in about 5mins, and I am going tomorrow. And I am legitimately using my SDS money to buy some lights on the way home.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring?