Thanks Dave

And thanks Pete, who I aint seen for a month! since he joined the Couples of Christmas!! But burst in this am, with messages of support. Dave for letting me know, that at least I have the kids!! (even though it's far too expensive for my benefits. And when I asked for help today from the Dad, he gave me the choice their Xmas Pressies or helping?) I wish I'd called his bluff!!!

I cycled to the shops, I know I'm, really slacking. I just have no purpose at the minute. I've secured support from Pete for Friday, to put me to bed. After my night out with the girls!!

Saturday :(

I didn't sleep too well, revisiting the conversations from earlier in the evening. I'm trying my best not to cry all the time, mostly because of the time of year, and everyone becoming 'Coupley' and lovey dovey. My friend made me cry this morning, I aint seen her really for a year, she's one of the school Mums, I used to speak to, at the bottom of the drive. I'd sent a txt in the night, saying how I felt Bullied, for being a 'Weirdo' and trying to be independent. Anyway a couple of the Mums phoned, and why is it when folk are being really nice, I cry more!!!

Thanks Dave, she was absolutely bonkers, that woman!!!

Coo ee!!!!! I' Here :)

I'm sorry I've just realised that I aint been here for a while.

I've just had another parent call me a weirdo tho! Which hurt. And why? because she went off alarming about my son, bullying her son, and 6 of the boys were in my lounge all shouting above one another, about how the said boy booted my son in the shin sooo very hard. Anyway I said lets just calm it,till Monday at School, She went on apparently in the hairdressers, where she worked (how classy!!) to go off about me on that '' Fuckin Stupid Bike''!!I've been supposedly 'Educating' Council Workers today, about how I can think for myself etc, and then I come across Ignorance like that!!!!!

Hi to Richard who I met today at the SDS training day. I especially remember Richard, because he was Single!! Am I obsessed with men? Talking of which, on second thoughts, I'd better not talk about last night ;) but it was nice.

This morning I saw the kids off, thankful that I no longer have to take them to school in the cold morning. Then Matt picked me up, we went for H who is the Butt of many a joke, then Steph and Gwyn.m He's so dedicated to the cause of literature and coma, that he will do this. He says it's because we are his friends which is nice. And I don't think for a minute he implied 'Friends'!!!!

I really missed Hillsborough yesterday, so much so that I went to an ASC meeting, which went well. I suggested to Headway and to SCBIRT that they should be trained up in writing Support Plans, so at least s'one who understood Brain Injury supported the Survivor.

The hunt for a lurcher goes on, they're all too big!! So the kids and I aqre being patient.

It's all gone BLACK!!

How depressing the news is today, the Eve of The General Strike. I don't want to get political, because I don't understand politics, but Britain is just on a see saw, and it depresses me so, even though for the first time in 10 years, I feel fairly comfortable.

I'm so excited, remember the SDS Training team, which I joined? Training SW to complete the Individual Budget Assesment? Well do you recall the lovely Liz Salmon, who brought Strawberrys and cream to Hillsborough, with some non alcoholic bubbly, when the team tried out the cycles for themselves. Well she contacted me today, to invite me out on her leaving do, in December.I can't wait!! Kids are booked out for the night :) So far I've only got 2 Xmas dos on the Calendar....3 actually.

Cycled to the Post Office,where I spent 25mins getting stuff sorted, it's a good job she knew my ....'Challengers'. She was really interested in Head-Lines, so I promised to sell her one soon.

I met Lorraine and Lawrence in town today, mmmm I wish Lawrence was like me!!!! and he'd claim what he is entitled too. Unfortunately that's where SDS fails, I mean what happens if s'one is in denial?? and they just sink lower and lower, because they don't think they're 'ill' or disabled.

Brockwood phoned to ask, if I'd step in Friday, to help deliver SDS training. I will I'll just need to leave writing early.

disabled entepeneurs

http://www.disabledentrepreneurs.co.uk/ - I know the link wo'nt work, but you knoow what to do.

But I'll begin with telling you for the first time in a month I feel very lucky, and well thought of, and dare I say happy???? My lovely friend, mentor, and supporter has confirmed that 'Gripple' in Sheffield, are going to fund My transport to Hillsborough for a month. She's doing Individually what Altogether Better, want to do for Health Champions x 6 who have got worthy projects on the go.

Anyway back to Disabled Entepeneurs, Shane from there, who owns a company called 'mobityBuy.com' Anyway I gave him a rushed jumbled brief....yeah as if? I just said I'd send him some stuff, and he agreed to come to Hillsborough and try the cycles and meet me. But as Steve M reminded me, he wouldn't really apprechiate the magic,.If he came during winter when in theory it's closed. Steve M, sounds very poorly :(, he couldn't stop sneezing and spluttering!!

Brrrr!!!

I do maKE it A THING TO GO OUT ON zIGGY, EVERYDAY, EVEN IF IT'S JUST TO THE SHOPS OR PUB. But I aint today, instead I went wi my bruv, Sue, and Amanda, to visit my Mums 'Unmarked Grave'. Which, does seem strange? I'm sure many folk must go to the wrong grave, when visiting their loved ones for the first time. I mean if it hadn't have been for the Lil lies and Carnations that perished there, with a water logged card. Maybe we would have struggled? Any other day, I might have found it difficult to visit, but today, I was ok, I was feeling strong..ish. I really hadn't made a lot of effort with my appearance, choosing to go for the more 'Natural' look (it's my excuse for not bothering with Make up and hair)

I stood at the mound of earth, and let my imagination wander, to what was below that mound? I mean it had been there for 12 days, gruesome images of worms, and Mum being Cold and scared in the dark, flitted through my mind. But do you know what I could quickly dispel them, because I had witnessed Mums body, without Mum in it, on the day she had died. And I was glad I had.

So the Douglas women, (i am one really!!) went into town for a bit of retail therapy. Eeeek, I bumped in to Mark Skinner, who I'd finished with all those years ago for Jock!! I must have been mad, he's gorgeous! and an avid cyclist...and married....and a dad. We exchanged niceties, and I thought 'I wish I'd put my make up on and done my hair!!!

Write Way

I've been to the writing group, which is such a Positive in my life, it kinda makes me concentrate and think. Today's brain teaser? Objective Correlative? and Pathetic Fallacy? Which I understood after a while, but I don't really thing I'll use it too much in my Blog, as I tend to be a punchier writer, as apposed to being massively descriptive.

I can't really say, but I wish I could about the Characters within the group!! 1 is soooo bitter and twisted it is hysterical, because she seems to vent her anger towards me!!!But hey, I am Theresa, and the calmer Iam the stranger, it seems. Another man, is really having a bad time of things, so I'm taking him under my wing. (poor bugger)

Thank you Matt for making me laugh so much....You had to be there honestly!!and I will drag you for fishy Friday soon, .....at the Spit of course!!

I've picked up 6 copies for Kev and Bridgette, where can I send them?

Oh remember Miriam? Well the Star has found a Sheffield Company that will maybe sponsor me until March? If I want to go and help out with the CFH at Hillsborough, and the Mental Health Folk? Plus I'm sure there will be a lot of events, with it being around xmas. The company is a steel company called Grittle.

Yes, I admit it I phoned Steve M to thank him for yesterday, and he's invited me out for Xmas Lunch with his favourite staff, like last year. So Fred, Pam, Dave, Steve and myself will go to one of the Parks for lunch, which I will love.

Did anyone get the CTCs Cycle Clips? Follow the link below, it's interesting, (but I think youll need to copy and paste)

http://www.getcycling.org.uk/media/bikes-not-barriers.pdf

Urrrrm, that's it. xxxx

Proud

I was sooo proud that Steve spent all day at Hillsborough, because of me, and it was lovely that my friends Lorraine and boyfriend came and were enthused about what they saw, and who they met. It was nice that Nick knew the Lurcher rescue folk, and was gonna say nice things. It was absolutely gorgeous that Nick and David, the Park Ranger volunteer bought me a diary, and some Walnut whips. Ahhhhh it's all lovely :)

I came home to a meeting with my friend to discuss business stuff except I got pissed, I just can't handle my liquor!!!

I'll be more reflective tomorrow!!!

Love you all xxxxx

I am Selfish....

I mean, at least my family aren't dependant on Hillsborough, or cycling for any income. I mean poor Steve B and M, and the cycle trainers at Hillsborough, like Fred and Santa. Their household income is largely dependant, on what happens with cycling and projects like Hillsborough.

Just after my last post though, I made an enormous decision, that is a bit selfish and a bit luxurious? To continue, at Hillsborough and fund it myself? I perhaps won't take ziggy though, as that costs me an extra £10. And threes no point in me trying to ride to Dore, take the train, tram to Hillsborough and then back, with you Dave? Because It would have to be s'thing I could do on my own, and I'm not physically strong enough, sorry.

Ahhh bless, my wee children spent ages on Monday night getting their homework printed out. And I found it on the settee, after they'd gone. Knowing my little boys had to be in otherwise detention!! I nipped out to school with it. Hey he was so proud of me cycling to school. To give him his homework, bless him. (brownie points for me!!)

It's been another weepy day, :( I keep thinking about tomorrow, and wondering if I'll cry? I'd say it's odds on? (Well mi left eye will!!) I cycled up to the Deli shop, to get some nice nibbles for tomorrow. And I grabbed a coffee, whilst waiting, I rang Rhiann? Altogether Better? Kind of top of the ladder when it comes to different Organisations, employing different services, who employ a different Service, which 'Mentor me!!' and she spoke of how I needn't little support just this financial and there were 6 of us, like this. Anyway by March she reckons that we will be funding ourselves using a new charity, that she is setting up with our help.???? Plus I probably told some of you, but I've decided that if the worst happens, I will pay for it myself!! It may mean leaving Ziggy :( and borrowing a trike from Hillsborough.(I know it's a disgrace!! all taxis charge £5 per journey. Even if it's a wheelchair!!) And I've posted my Community Transport thing off!! So I'm confident I will be back, but the fab team won't be. It's bound to change :(

Cauliflower Ear

I'm afraid I gave Steve one this morning....a Cauliflower Ear that is!!

Having spent a good while on the phone with Sheffield Community Transport, this morning following Kev Hickmans, very helpful advice :) They said they would probably be able to take me and my trike to Hillsborough, in March? I know I should be jumping for joy! but I'm just a miserable git at the moment, and I've had so many false hopes. That I will wait and see.

Steve M returned my call so I continued to tell him everything that was happening in my life. Without pausing to draw breath I think. I reminded myself of a client that comes to Hillsborough, who does exactly the same. And then I stopped remembering the effect she has on folk.

And thank you Rob for your message of support, I know when I'm helping s'one with a disability cycle, it makes me do more. And I forget about MY problems, like my Mum not been here anymore.

My Left Eye!!.....is permanently crying, I know it's effected by my paralysis, but its as if it won't hide what I'm feeling inside. So I can be all pretentious, putting a brave smile on, but there's a tear rolling down my left cheek.

I know the only positive in my life is that Erin Hounds, are looking for me. Have I always been a miserable git?

I mean I should just be grateful, for the 2 and a half fantastic years that The CTC, Recumbent Cycling and Health Champs have given me.

The Little loop :)

I thought I'd start off easy! and make my loop really achievable, and yet useful. So off I set down the dual carriageway, ooooomph!!!! Wheeeee!! as I went, (but not actually weeing, you must understand!!) In 5minutes, I told you it wasn't far. I locked up quickly in order to save maximum time, and someone said 'Ahhh Caroline, I'm sorry about your Mum, I nursed her the night before it happened' I turned and there all dewy eyed, was one of Mums Carers, and that was it for 30minutes, we hugged and cried. I don't mean to cry every time I relive her last moments with us, but I do. Not because they were so gruesome? the opposite really, but because they were so beautiful, and dignified, like my Mum. Anyway gone was the stopwatch time!!!

I plodded back up the dual carriageway, towards home, cutting off on a side road so I could use the very easy labour saving Cycle Path, I like Cycle Paths :)

So the problem I have with a loop...is who I meet, and how long I talk for!!

Fantastic news though!! we had a home assessment by Erin Hounds, and they brought a hound, and guess what she was called? .....Ziggy :) She wasn't looking for a home though, much to my wee boys disappointment. We got talking about those dogs that were looking, and I said no to one, because bless it, it had had a rough time, and I didn't want a repeat of Morris :( the next was a Saluki, which was beautiful. She told me the breed, was rubbish at recall, and very aloof, so wouldn't really be suitable. Finally there was a 16 week old puppy called Bobby, who the kids fell in love with. I said maybe? he was a boy though, with bits at the moment too!!!! I've just received a phone call, and on further inspection, Bobby is just too big, he wouldn't even fit in my bike carriage!! So the search goes on, I'm in no hurry though this time :)

Friday 18th of November

I'm ok, when I feel useful. So I limped with a skip this morning? To the Write-Way writing group, (even if I'm only wanted for my blue parking badge!!!) We had a fab lesson, it's really great, there are now 9 folk in the group. And it's so safe, that folk feel ok, about 'Testing' out their new identities, (you had to be there!!!) I always used to pride myself as being quite a skilled writer (ok, ok Dave I know I lack a bit when it comes to being grammatically correct) But they are all so much better than I. (or should that be me? :D)

At 12 I was collected in a taxi, to go to Brockwood, where I worked along side Christine Barton, in offering Council Care workers a bit of knowledge on SDS, and what it's meant to my life for 4years.

I missed a telephone appointment with Disabled Entrepreneurs, I did try to rearrange, but they've not as yet. I wanted to promote, the success of Inclusive Cycling, and the Write-way. And how much better it makes me feel!!! ......sometimes.