Wet

I am only just warm, and my eyelids are soooo heavy. Steve phoned early today saying, it is very wet outside Caroline, I'll totally understand if you don't want to go out? I'm ok, thanks I don't mind a bit of rain, was my reply. Much to Steve's secret disappointment I think!! He made a map of the 9 lanes of traffic, and explained which way we would go, bless him he's very patient with me. I was very conscious of him being right behind me all the way, and I was pleased with my performance (not that it was difficult, mind you.) It's just along time since Steve and I have cycled anywhere, together, Other than York, and we'd both got other responsibilities.

I'm such a dolls head at times! I cycled (like a car!!) in my head, so much so that I rode straight through the cycle box, and a red light!!! (Iwas only following the car infront) :D Next thing Steve was at my side, as I halted because I sensed danger. 'Caroline that was absolutelly great,' he said except where do you think You'll go now? I was a bit scared I freely admitted, now I had wanted to just nip behind the car infront, as it beat the lights, and had I been a fast car that would have been fine, but I wasn't likely to make it, bnefore the oncoming traffic started to roar. We had several attempts at this, everytime the lights were different, I didn't get killed but, my stress level was immense. Then we tried a way my bro had suggested, which was very easy, and we both believed we'd solved the problem. Until I turned round and wanted to come back through the lights, six times they changed before mine give way and went green, no matter how much Steve reversed and rode in front of the lights, jumping and flapping his arms about!! We did a ui at my Mums again, and I cycled left at the lights, only to be penned into the curb, by a HUGE cattle carrier, the drivers behaviour, didn't really suprize me , as I imagined he treated cyclists in the same manner, as the poor animals who stuck their noses through the bars of his lorry. I could hear Steve telling me to keep going, and that I was doing everything right, as he yelled it over the sound of the noisy engine. I turned in as soon as I safetly could. Steve turned in to, and suggested we have a coffee. We had now been out three and a half hours, it was very wet, Steve was cold. But wanted to keep going as long as I did, but confessed of his fears, with the truck incident. How could he face D* and F*, if I had died??? We both agreed it was safer, for me to go on the pavement for the time being anyway, and headed home. Vowing we'd try again in a few months.

Still wet, and an insy bit disappointed, because I think that was me going to the limit of my capabilities. And so it's difficult for me to accept, that that's me. I then cycled to meet my children, and we all returned, and got snuggly and warm, dry and fed. And I thought my determination, has got it's limits too, and I think i'd just found that limit, because I'd wanted to.