tired and down :(

I know there's lots of strange things happening, wi the displacement of bodily fluid as it shifts from my ankles to my kidneys and then pssssssss' but I'm hot, and I definately don't mean sexy. Wi my Nora Batty bandages round my ankles. I did try cycling for the first time in my swadling bandages, and went to the school gates. Maybe I'm just greedy, once it was my dream to be able to cycle to school, and that was all. So why I beat myself up, because I can't cycle everywhere, I don't know.

'Tin Man'

I feel like the 'Tin Man' with my feet at a permanent 45 degrees, to my body. My bandages are thicker than any pot construction that I could have :D I haven't found a pair of trousers, flared enough to fit yet so I aint dared venture out yet. If I didn't look so funny, I might cry, but nah, It's too much of a novelty, at the moment. And Kim did think it would be sorted in 2 weeks. And bugger, the one pair of trousers, I thought may be ok? Don't fit me anymore, eeek. Oh well atleast I provided much amusement to my children and friends, and I made Julie Andrews cheer up a bit.

Awwww, I'm not working tomorrow :( my days there are numbered so to speak. Especially with new funding as it is.

Poor Pat struggled to lift my bags off the tesco bus today, so thanks for that darling.

And Dave and Rob, no wonder my ears were burning :)

Busy...hot..

The day of tumbleweed, blowing eerily on a main road into Sheffield town centre, is passed. And cyclists have to compete, for road space again. Well actually I wouldn't know about the cycling because, remember my ICDH course ? I had to hand my folder in, officially today. So we all met at the Museum, I took my children, because they'd got a teacher training day.

Ooooooh I'm exploring the possibility of going to Norwich in September, without my kids though this time. With the Inclusive Cycling Forum.

Blooody hell!! it's a bit scarey, tomorrow Kim the nurse is coming to see me, she predicts it will take an hour and a half to bandage my legs oh so tightly!! Eeeeeek!!!!!

Hey Dave who was the cyclist woman, who tangled her scarf in her bicycle? .....Thats me that, I do like scarves :)

No Drama

If I'm honest, all the arrangements to watch the football, just didn't grab me. The idea of sitting in the scorching hot beer garden, getting very drunk and dehydrating like parchment paper. (Well, with a bit more substance!!!) I'm far too sensible for that, it's scary, plus I'm on a promise ;) (my mums nurse/friend) all the offers today, just had been too vague.

Scorching hot though it was, and shall I confess this frightening image I have? It's me in a white vest scraping my skin on the road, as I get hit with a car!!!! I know it's irrational!!! And today, I wore a white vest typy top. I resisted the temptation to get changed. And rode Ziggy to where, I knew for definate my company would be well apprechiated, I went about 3miles to see my Mum, on an odinarily busy Rd. Once thereI removed my helmet, my hair absolutely plastered to my skull!! My Mum said 'Ooooh Caroline, you do look a mess!!!' ' :D bless her.

I gave another one of Mums male nurses, the keys to unlock Ziggy. And take her for a spin, I love it when people like her!! and I've said before I treat her as a living creature. As I said goodbye to Mum, Ziggy got 3 more admirers, and consequently they all had a play, on Ziggy I may add!!

Hi Dave, good to know you are ok, I do worry unneccersarily at times :)

Julie Andrews phoned to see if I was gonna join her in the pub, but I was just bedragled by the time I got there. And do you know? I never stopped once, I just plodded, very slowly and steadily, until I reached home. No drama!! No blood stained white vest even!!

Happy Manbird.

This morning, I took my 'lil' girl to the Orthodontist otherwise known as the Dentist. So she had to miss the mornings lessons. We called in 'Nonnas' for a coffee after, whilst we waited for our taxi. And I felt distinctly uncomfortable, with all the 'Yummy Mummy's' , thing is my daughter aspires to be like that (yuk) Oh well, I suppose I did once. As I sit here drinking lager from a can, which I clutch with my bike oily fingers. I am so much happier than I was when I was trying every diet under the sun, suffering 'fits' possibly because of this.

I had an appointment this afternoon, with the nurses. So I nipped to the shops and bought them a box of chocolates. Kim the Lymphodema nurse whose visiting me on Tuesday, has taken over now, but I thought I'd have a clean dressing on first, and have a 'deckers' at what stage it was at. And to be honest, it looked great. I then cycled nearly to school, but it was just so hot!! I couldn't bare the thought of waiting, at the bottom of the drive in the scorching sun. So I went home, and phoned for them to make their own way, because they had their bikes.

;) My Mums nurse, has just paid me a visit.

Hey I've just tried to solicit myself to a small independent film maker. who do 5 minute stories, I thought how I could make so many organisations shine, through my story. But they said they'd look into it........yeah :D

Perfect day....(Lou Reed and Me)

I know I grumble, but I really musn't. Today was so good, and it had begun with me being weary and not really fit for owt. My taxi took Ziggy and I to Hillsborough, for the Inclusive Cycling, where I was really happy to see Fred, and Nick. I cycled to the bike shed, where I discovered we hadn't enough helmets for the young folk, I offered mine, and cycled back to the 'lodge' and found another 2. So we were sorted :)

For the next 4hours, I cycled round the park or 'games court' on an assortment of bikes. Groups were booked in, in half hour sessions and had varying disabilities. I got a massive buzz from being the back end of the tandam trike, because I actually knew the other person was pedalling, and it felt good :)

I asked this very helpful guy to nip to Lilys sandwich shop for a really unhealthy fried egg and mushroom butty. It was so yummy mmmmm.

Ooooh tomorrow, I'm gonna take some biscuits to the nurses, because next week Kim, a Lymphodema nurse, spotted my attractive ankles while I was in York. And said, 'Let me cure your legs, any friend of Steve's is a friend of mine'. So I'm seeing her next week, and I know I will hate the treatment, but she promises it's short lived. But I feel I have to thank the nurses at the Drs.

Sorry to be dull:) well I think it's interesting :D Just cos it aint rude!!!

Ahhh Wednesdays :)

Hi if I met you today. For the first time in 6 months, I'm actually feeling fab after a days work, usually I have to crawl to bed!!

Thanks SCC, for your comments last nite, I liked it that you didn't think me mad!! You spoke with understanding.

And Dave as always, you are there for me. I phoned you earlier from my land line and got transferred?

Steve (CTC) read my blog, from last night and told me his own availability, so that he personally could come and do some road work with me. I don't cry every time the going gets tough, but I cycled the furthest I have ever cycled at the weekend. That in addition, to not knowing exactly what my children were doing, plus not having my flag, wanting a waz, and a drink. Just meant I needed help. And I felt feeble having to ask for it.....again.

I switched on my pc, this morning and I was really comforted by everyones response to my doulbts. Plus I had an email from another asking me if I'd be prepared to meet some great Guru, within the Adult Services Dept, of social services. Ur now let me think, about it. What do you think I said :D(I'm such an exhibitionist!!)

Do I always feel sorry for myself?

Well I know I don't, but do I sound like I do? Am I a rite self pitying git!!

I know in theory the more I cycle on busy roads the more I relax, and it becomes 'natural', but in practice I just aint there yet :( And it doesn't stop the fact that the more time on busy roads I spend the more likely I am, to have an accident. (if you follow?) Its like I could spend all day learning to cross a road, and become the best ever road crosser. Or I could wrap myself up in a cotton wool ball, and stay home and be safer still.

I just don't know anymore?? I mean life has been good to me both before and after my disabling car crash, 22years ago. Every part of my life has been a bit of a challenge, but I love that bit. If cycling had been easy, I wouldn't have had to attend CFH, on a weekly basis, becomming a Health Champ, getting my ICDH. And through cycling I've met some of the best folk I've ever met. and I'd just not have appreciated what I was actually doing. I just think sometimes I've had one near death experience, and I do infact love my life (even though I sound like a miserable b* s'times) maybe I should value it more, and not take any chances.

Negative thoughts, made me take a cab to see my Mum today, but I did cycle to the chemist and School, without drama.

Reflection on the Weekend

My children were unbelievably excited, but how they like to 'look after' Mum. Mum, have you got.....???etc. Bless em, they make me very proud, they were the reason I started cycling, so I do in fact owe them a lot. So a weekend in York, with accommodation paid for by The Health Champs, seemed like a good deal. And I kinda like to show folk, that even a single Mum with a disability can do active things with her children. As we left the train I shouted to my son, 'Have we left anything?? To which he replied 'Mum, I leave only my dignity' He does make me laugh!! For a 7 year old, he has a top sense of humor.

Fortunately Steve Marsden (CTC), had taken our cycles up on the Thursday, when he'd gone. So when we arrived, we simply had to find our way to the Holiday Inn. We arrived and there was no obvious cycle shelter or anything, I wondered how I was going to approach the subject of wanting to take my trike somewhere safe. When Dave arrived on Ziggy my trike. Ahh, I hadn't seen her for four days it was great!! I sat on her and went to reception, and I was prepared for an argument, as I explained I couldn't leave her outside, to a young but officious looking 'Kelly'.
Between us we decided on the conference room. But first I had to cycle to the race course, and how easy it was!!! There was a path about a mile long leading to the campsite, from the Holiday Inn, it was great, it crossed no roads, and seldom had cars use it :) I couldn't relax though, I'm so anal at times :D I didn't want to disappoint, Daisy, Finn, Health Champs, Steve (CTC), Dave, so for that reason, I don't think I really relaxed. Anyway, I found Steve, who was obviously setting off on a bike ride, with some young folk who'd been doing their 'Duke of Edinborough Award'. He'd obviously got his hands full, and just a little anxious :D He gave D and F their bikes, and told them where they could go . (not in that way!!!)

I can't really tell you who I saw and spoke to, I just seemed to drift and smile at people :D. Heaven knows the impression, I must have given out.

What a fantastic position, our hotel was in, the children could nip back and fetch things, without me. I really couldn't grumble, I had 20 pairs of eyes looking out for them, everyone seemed to know whose children they were. And I hope folk don't feel sorry for me or think I'm not capable? Because I'm happy and really proud of my kids. Although they did take some getting to bed that night, which was the longest day of the year.

6.50 am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we had to meet Steve at 7.30am, we had to pack our bags, have breakfast, have a coffee (priority) I don't know how but we managed!!!

I met some lovely folk on the ride, as we went the scenic route my children cycled with Steve. Whilst I struggled to keep up to be honest, and hung somewhere at the back.

I wasn't impressed with the service at York Minster, what dier hymns!! Whats wrong with 'All things bright and beautiful?

After the service, I've got to admit, I really struggled on the mass cycle ride back to the race course. At first it felt so good, and I was extremely proud to be part of it, but I had forgotten to get my flag off Steve, which sticks up about 8ft, at the back of Ziggy. So when I became seperated from the mass, I felt very vulnerable, I mounted the pavement purposely whilst I decided what to do, who did I think I was? It was obviously too much for me, I wanted to cry :( Dave Holaday phoned!! what a star!!!! And sure enough to the rescue he came :)

I've been so sick today, and so has my daughter, with sun stroke.

So will I do it again??? My children will kill me if I don't!!

Big Thank you to Steve, Dave and the rest of the CTC.

Ouch as I sit here, so burnt and with a stinking headache that only comes from dehydration, I reflect on what good friends I have. Yeah, I know they will get paid for their time. But no amount of money could have paid for their kindness.

I'll have to come back to this tomorrow.

I'm sleeping

In My Dreams....

I dream of Ziggy, my recumbent trike.

I'm missing my baby

I mean Ziggy of course, I text Steve earlier to remind him to kiss her goodnight and cover her with a blanket :D Surprise, surprise he didn't respond.

I seem to have gone really flat, I think it's possibly because my life has gone quiet. Or maybe that my working life revolves around my trike. And without her, my life seems to lack umph!!

I actually had 100 flyer's printed advertising Hillsbro inclusive cycling. To put in the main aid and adaptations shop in Sheffield. And I distributed them amongst the SW team, I met today. I did struggle today to be my usual highly motivated enthusiastic soul.

I'm meeting my mate Karen for a coffee tomorrow, which will be nice, (the psychiatric nurse I used to work with.....as a colleague!!!)