Well I know I don't, but do I sound like I do? Am I a rite self pitying git!!
I know in theory the more I cycle on busy roads the more I relax, and it becomes 'natural', but in practice I just aint there yet :( And it doesn't stop the fact that the more time on busy roads I spend the more likely I am, to have an accident. (if you follow?) Its like I could spend all day learning to cross a road, and become the best ever road crosser. Or I could wrap myself up in a cotton wool ball, and stay home and be safer still.
I just don't know anymore?? I mean life has been good to me both before and after my disabling car crash, 22years ago. Every part of my life has been a bit of a challenge, but I love that bit. If cycling had been easy, I wouldn't have had to attend CFH, on a weekly basis, becomming a Health Champ, getting my ICDH. And through cycling I've met some of the best folk I've ever met. and I'd just not have appreciated what I was actually doing. I just think sometimes I've had one near death experience, and I do infact love my life (even though I sound like a miserable b* s'times) maybe I should value it more, and not take any chances.
Negative thoughts, made me take a cab to see my Mum today, but I did cycle to the chemist and School, without drama.