Having a brain that still believes it's 21 has it's 'downfalls' when it's controlling the body of a 43 year old. Or not controlling. as the case was last night.

I'd got big plans for tonight (made in haste last night :D)

No cycling, as I'd be over the limit!! (Even now!)

10:30 am, I'm sooo excited, I have just found on the internet..(this is bizarre, geeky and a tad worrying!!!) I have just found, and ordered my very own.........tricycle pendant!! It's so funny :D

14:30 Children know how to hurt :( My daughter didn't want to go to 'Easy Tigers' wi me today, because I couldn't chase after her, like Daddy did. I took my wee boy and a mate instead and they had great fun.

16:00 I was a wuss and cycled about 25 yards and back, just so I could say I'd been for a ride. But I don't feel safe to be honest. I can't wait till school starts, and Gretel becomes part of my routine again.

18:30 I'm having a bit of a party night in a bit. So must go and put some slap on my face :) xx

Wow!! This is a deep and heavy one, it's kinda snuck up on me, and wam bam stripped me to the bare bones. It's my son's 7th b'day today, and I must admit the past 3 years have been difficult, because I've always made a big point of searching out a male 'friend' for us all to spend the day with. This invariably has led to disappointment on my side.

This year was gonna be different, I haven't searched anyone out. I'd rather spend my day just thinking what would make my wee boy happy, not walking a tightrope, trying to appease a man's feelings. Whilst my son gets his 2nd lot of b'day pressies, with his Dad. I can be all self indulgent and get engrossed in my writing, not once have I been tempted to go all melancholic. Whatever it was that made me the strong person, I now am, I'm just glad it happened, because I like being me.

Ooooooooh how exciting, It's getting dark out :D, I best use my new bike lights, just to be on the safe side you must understand ;)

(I bottled it :( It just got too dark, I feel a rite wuss now. )

I'm trapped in 1988, at the age of 21, and I'm massively excited now, because six of us are going to a singles night. I'm such a hypocrite, after reading the first paragraph. I know this ain't got too much to do with cycling, but I just feel happy and in control, which I think does have a lot to do with cycling.

I do love folk :) .....sorry if I'm boring, but I don't think there's enough positivity in our lives, so I just try and make people feel happy.

Did you know?? (This is really tedious if you know me because I do say it a lot.) Research shows that if you talk to a positive person, it increases your mood by 9%, on the other hand if you speak with a negative person, it lowers your mood by 7%, I like folk to feel happy about talking to me so so I do try to be positive. I've just blown away my trade secret now!!!

This afternoon was spent catching up with paper work with Miriam who takes care of my health champions work and expenses, which in turn enables me to do Cycle For Health. Which I love doing.

Ooooh my contact cards came today, what am I like? It's not as egotistical as it sounds. I'm just being very practical, because my memory is crap, so it just makes my life easier. And in fact I cycled to the shops, I deliberately went when it was dark so I could use my new lights :)

Anyway, I was locking Gretel up, and this teenage manboy approached with two others, and held out his hand. A long conversation followed, and I am so chuffed that I had my contact cards. I hope he gets in touch, I think we might be able to help his Gran :)

Awwww had a long chat with Nigel who financially supports me being a 'health champion'. I wish I'd spoken to him sooner about my worries, because he was fantastic.

I'm missing Steve, and Dave for their positive talk.

My kids cycled 12 miles today, and they still ain't tired.

I've got my new lights, and a rather quaint white basket all fitted.

Yesterday, just went eeeeeeeammmmm!!!.............and I kind of missed it. What a waste ey? I just slept all day.

Today, I wasn't going to be like that, I was going to be a bit more pro active, because I like being pro active.

I had an appointment with Andy, my lovely physio. Who indeed has worked wonders on my 'achilles tendonitus' .Please contact me, on cardouglas10@hotmail.com, if you want his details. What a positive guy he is, I love spending time there even though it's a bit sore. 'No pain no gain' as the saying goes.

Went to the library for a bit of constitutional.

I did cycle to the physio and library, and coop. But it's just normal behaviour now. I do it without thinking. Once I've got over this chest thing, which I can still feel rutling, in the morning, I will move the goal posts and try and go further.

My big bruv is having my children to sleep o'er tonight, and taking them on a mammoth bike ride tomorrow. I was really proud, because they were excited about it, and surprisingly they are well equipped in cycling equipment and knowledge.

I'm also thinking.......about coming off my anti convulsants. I ain't had a fit for two and a half years. And well I feel good. I'll talk about it with my gp :)

I wish I'd planned s'thing for tonight :(

Had a nice lay in this morning, which didn't do my chest any good, I have to say. I cycled with my wee boy to the library for this week's DVDs for the kids, leaving my girl home alone. Which is a scarey thing for me to do, even though she is 11 in 2 weeks, and to be honest, she's got an old head on her shoulders, perhaps a little too old at times. She shocks even me sometimes.

But her extremely responsible nature comes from having a single mum who has a disability, and a younger bruv who's extremely popular.

It was fab at the library, because I bumped into another Mum, and began gathering support for what is the busiest time of year for me and the kids. Halloween, F* b'day, bonfire night, D* b'day culminating in a big party at the end where I'm picking the kids up from school in a fire engine. (Nowt like drawing attention, is there?)

Anyway this Mum raved about Gretel, saying how cool she looked. So I went to town, feeling all proud of myself. And bought Gretel, a new shopping basket, (box of wine size ;) ) a front and rear light and some of those wrap around lights :)

I'm happy. :)

Urrgh!!!!! I feel dreadful, I reckon I'm suffering from 'cabin fever'. I know I ain't got the full blown effects of a chest infection, because I am managing to lift my fingers to type. :) If my two mates hadn't have called this am, I might have had a very lonely day.

Awwww aren't folk really so nice, Julian Woodward a journalist from MAPA who's been asked to run a story on my inspirational cycling and how it helps folk has agreed to donate some money to my 'recumbent fund' in return for a photo donated by Pedal Ready. How devoted to enabling me to have control of my own mobility they must be. So thank you, it's exactly what I need. I just hope I'm not too dim to learn.

I missed not having the freedom, to go and see my mates at the school gates. I was just too poorly.

I've got to admit Cycle for Health today was a bit of an effort. But for personal reasons, I had to try. And I'm glad in a way I did, because I made at least one person really happy, just by noticing that she'd got her teeth fixed. She was really chuffed that someone had noticed, and that made the effort of going worthwhile.

I saw Simone who works for Pedal Ready, who I used to see on a regular basis at Endcliffe Park, and in fact, hovered in case I fell off the first time I went on Gretel, as Steve covered me at the other side.

I met Louise (also from Pedal Ready ), who was really positive and friendly, and very patient as I really wasn't up to much. But I'm glad I made the effort.

Awwww, there isn't any CFH next week, due to half term.

(I'm still walking round, like I've got one leg longer than the other!!!...or a big platform shoe on one foot). I must go to Decathalon, and buy some of those wrap around neony type lights. Hey, do you think I'll crouch in a lurid fashion and rub my thighs at them? I have heard they're very attractive?

Awww, I just had to add this bit, I was watching the Simpsons wi' my little boy. On seeing Marge Simpson get on her tandem, wi' her children I said: 'Is that how you think Mum is?' He said: 'No way!!! You are so happy and cool mum, and everyone knows it.' :)

5am Couldn't sleep, my chest is rustling. I have no auto immune system, so I'll need to phone the doctors and get some antibiotics, and try and nip it in the bud. Awwww I had such a funny day yesterday, as well.

1.30 Still waiting for any tabs to be delivered and I want to start them, so they start to kick in by tomorrow's Cycle For Health. Although my temperatures only reading at 37.5, which is fairly ok. I'm such a cool chick it's normally a steady 36.

I feel the opposite to how I felt yesterday, I've had no electricity. My friend bought me a flask round, unfortunately my pc, don't run on hot water..

And how come all these 'experts' say 'Ohh you don't wanna do that' I've just had a very opinionated welfare worker round who knew more about the legal system than solicitors who get paid £60 an hour!!

Aren't I horrid? I'll come back to this later, and hopefully I'll be a bit nicer.

I've got my tablets now, I was ne'r a believer in tablets of any kind and only take them if the effect of not taking medication is really harmful. Now you may think chest infection, bearable? But since I had my spleen removed, I just can't hack infections, I become so debilitated. And if my temperature gets high, then I have a 'seizure' which is potentially life threatening, but because I'm mindful, of this, it hasn't happened for two and a half years years. So I am happy now. And hey, I've just recalled, I bet this is why I've been panting like a fat lass!

I ain't been out on Gretel all day, I don't know if my legs are strong enough.

You see I still ramble even when I've nowt to talk about.

Looking forward to seeing folk at Cycle For Health, I've ordered my taxi.

I'm in such a good mood again. Strangely enough, it's because of my poorly foot, I'll explain, if I dare? The last thing I want is to hurt someone by saying this. But Andrew (physio) last night in order to take the stress from my heel, put in an air sole (I said air sole!!) Anyway I now feel like I've got one of those shoes on with the built up wedge!! (So it's taking a bit of getting used to.)

Tuesdays my Tesco bus day, it's so sad everyone, including myself, is so institutionalised, we sit in the same seats every week, know each other on first name basis. Today was 'class' - one old lady shouted, ''Ethal, how's your big pussy?" "Ooooh not so good, it's old age, she dribbles everywhere!!"

I can talk for England!!

I bumped into my school friend's Dad, who came to see me when I was in intensive care, and at my wedding. I've known the guy since I was 13 and I've bumped into him intermittently since my ex left.

I might bore everyone now, but I just think it's important to get the type of character I was, and have become again. Well, my friend was a similar personality, very sociable, extremely naughty, but never nasty. And her husband did the same as mine, he ran off with her best mate. (Leaving her with 3 children.)

Anyway getting back, this Dad was crying nearly, because he said I looked 10 years younger, and so confident. It gave him hope that things night improve for his daughter, so I left my moby number, I hope she calls.

I returned home on the Tesco bus, and as he pulled up, I struggled out of my seat carrying four bags and pulling a trolley. Anyway, I couldn't catch my trousers in time, and they fell down, exposing my ass, and knickers. I turned round and coolly said, hey it's because I've lost weight :)

I then had to dress my son up like the zombie of death, and take him to Beavers. I must get some lights, it was a bit scary. I witnessed an assault!!! (it's like Afghanistan) so I peddled as fast as I could round the corner, and called the police!

Thankfully someone's bringing my wee boy back, so I can take these wet clothes off, which I've had on since school!

I love mornings, it is good to be alive. I hate it when folk pity me, and soon put them right if I detect it. But that makes me sound tetchy about the disability issue, I assure you I am not at all. Folk who are reading this and know me, will categorically vouch that I am extremely laid back.

My calf, and achilles were hurting. So I booked an appointment for evening time.

I don't want to sound negative about the cycling, because it's opened so many doors for me. And it is easy to maintain doing it because I love the freedom it allows. But I am an insy bit worried about my 'chest' as well now :(

You know, I've mentioned before about 'Not panting much for a fat lass?' Well it is actually a big fib. The physical exertion of me getting my weight plus that of the trike to school does cause me to get a tad out of breath!!!! Anyway, I now feel like I've got water on my lungs, thing is I'm an insy bit concerned, because I can taste blood!! When I cough. I know it sounds scarey. But the feel good factor out ways any aches. Sorry to go on tonight, but this is in fact a story with a happy ending. At 4 we nipped for a healthy tea at the deli, because I knew I would be a while at the physio, and it is just across the road.

What a fantastic guy, my physio is, his name is Andrew Okwera (07901968549). As if he could get a quick medical history off me!!! (Poor guy) Anyway, his diagnosis was (hang on he wrote it down) 'Achilles Tendinopathy' .........the good news is, it's possibly not caused by cycling. It's more likely to be my new busier lifestyle!! He did some ultra sound treatment, a bit of bending and supplied an air heel. All at a discount price because we're friends now :) Ey, he's massively into mountain biking which is cool.

Oh, nearly forgot, I was just cycling to school, and this cyclist came up to me at the school gates. Shook my hand and said 'Hello, you must be Caroline? I'm Barry, from the 'Pedaller' magazine.' What a positive happy chappy.

At the school gates, a woman came up to me and said 'Hello Caroline' I work for the council, and I've just come out of a meeting with Nigel West, the area health champions co-ordinator, who in fact enables me to do Cycle for Health on a Thursday. Who's been singing your praises. It's like been a celebrity.