:( I'm so miserable

I'd be a right Barrel of laughs, if I'd never found Cycling I'm sure!!...just a tad sarcastic!! I've only been without Ziggy for 12 days, and it's effecting me so much, I feel so negative and worn out. I've just been and cut half the lawn, because I was too worn out and down, to finish it.. I so need a spare, I do. Even better if it was Pedal Assist.

So bored, this reminds me of life before I cycled :(

And Steve's got no further, he says he's ordering a new brake???? I know he gets big discounts, but I doubt if they'll be passed to me!! (well that's mean, I know he won't fiddle me, but.....?

I'm not really hell bent on getting this spare, but it would do (I spotted it on ebay and bid £100? I mean it would get me to the shops, or bus stop?

I mean I've been without Ziggy for 10 days now :(

 http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/251296663367?ssPageName=STRK:MEBIDX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1431.l2649

It just shows how desperate I am to be able to get out on my own!!

More Yikes!!! and crikeys!! - 27/06/13

25 years ago today, I had finished my morning shift, at the psychiatric hospital I worked at. I had taken the previous week off sick, with German measles, leading up to that day. Knackered, and because I am nice and hardworking I had been let off an hour early. But if I hadn't I may have missed the double decker bus, 3 cars and a parking meter. That I crashed into.

Somebody in the nearby flats, called an ambulance,(this was 1988!) Well at least that's what I've been told.  I've also been told scarey things, like I was resuscitated at the scene? and that I seared the top of my brain off. All I know is that some time later ( end of October) I woke from an afternoon nap, in a strange but yet familiar bed. And asked a Nurse, in an excited Wow type voice, if I'd just had a wacky dream. Or if I really had been involved in a car accident, and been in a coma for several months. And she turned to me with tears in her eyes, and said it wasn't a dream. (but secretly, I still thought it could be,  but not really if you get what I'm on about!!!!) I do know that it wasn't particularly unpleasant or difficult. I supposed it was because I had little awareness of life outside. And that I was missing so much. .

I also was having crazy dreams leading upto this, that could have been glimpses of the world around me, like the one where I was strapped to a 'Tilt table' looking out over the roof tops of Sheffield, and Jasper one of my brothers, got me to sign my name. I kind of did, I think, he screamed with laughter. And declared with joy that he was bringing my cheque book in the next day (that was in the days of cheque books too)

Another regular dream was where I would be receiving Communion from the local vicar, and instead of sipping from a goblet, I was given frozen cubes of wine? Obviously this wasn't the case ever, but apparently in the early days of my Hospitalisation, the physios fed me frozen black currant juice!!

I mean you possibly know my life story, and I really don't want to bore you. But you I do give you permission, to log off now :)

My boyfriend at the time was Jock,  we had been serious. And had talked of marriage, and maybe one day having a family and all the stuff, young couples think of. But there was no hurry, because we were going to live forever!!!

We had the most enormous wedding! It was fantastic! I don't really look upon it painfully anymore, because without it I might not have had my Daisy and Finn. Some years later?........17 ??? we split up :( and I probably went through more of a life change than my disabling car accident had caused! ) I could not stop sobbing, my poor children, it must have been horrid, I cried every day for 20 months. Although they say now they cant remember. And when they recall me they only ever think of me as laughing, which is really nice!!

Interval!

I am back from a nice lunch in the park, wi my mate Anj, it didn't have quite the 'feel good' factor that it normally had, because I still haven't got Ziggy back. So I had to be taken by car!! I used to think I just pretended some of the time to cycle  to places. But I so would have done anything to have got there myself, instead of waiting for a lift. Steve M, has still got Ziggy :( I know he says he can't speed things up but, ewwwwww!!! It's just so frustrating.

I did enjoy yesterday, as my Virtual friend Fiona Hutchings came, I've only Virtually nagged her to give it a go for 18 months. Anyway she stopped 2 hours, and I think she enjoyed it. She experienced her life changing moment 2 years ago? Her issues are mostly invisible to the eye.

Have I mentioned that some very influential important big names in the Olympic legacy thing, want to make a video of me, it's about tackling adversities. And saying just because you're the way you are, it doesn't mean you have to be idle, and it doesn't mean you can't be very healthy. So of course I've asked them to film me at Hillsborough, which they thought was fab. And thank goodness Steve agreed, if the Stars of the show didn't mind. Crikey this has been a long one!!

Oh and Rob, I  think you are right about me and derailers?? I use the Anula at Hillsborough, and I'm having probs, but it's s'thing I am sure I'd get used too. I think I get on folks' nerves, when I'm spotted stationary, as I try and put the chain back on. I keep knocking the left hand side which moves the sprocket??? Am I making sense???

Yikes, a year ago today!

A year ago today, I was sooo nervous. But do you know it was perfect 'My Day to Shine' whilst carrying the Olympic Flame. So many things went wrong, on the day, and so nearly prevented our perfect day.but in a way they made it so good :)

I felt a bit emotional today, as folk were talking of how wonderful, all the Torch bearers were??? I wasn't too sure about that one. I can't speak for absolutely everyone, but I thought we all just did what we did because we loved it.  And we had no idea  of any Torch Bearing!

The one person I missed soo much was Nigel West, it was him after all who nominated me. And as I held The Torch, I closed my eyes and thought of him. We had all been so happy a year ago, how could we have known, that 7 months later Nigel would be dead. That was so painful to write!!

I reacquainted myself with a guy, who I vaguely knew at School? he was a couple of years older, he had also been a Torch Bearer. So we kinda stuck together, and got talking to more folk, whom I knew from email addy only! It was great putting a face to them.

Rony recognised me, and sat down next to me which was nice I thought :) because he IS soooo interesting and he had chosen to sit with me, well maybe he remembers that I can talk for England! I'm about half way through, for those who are vaguely interested. But I didn't try and mention anybody, because I didn't want to miss anyone. So I thought I better not go there!! I just told a quaint tale of my wee boy, on the day of the Torch. :)

Thanks Dave for checking in last night, Steve sent me a couple of texts this morning, saying the new brake hadn't arrived yet. (new brake sounds expensive) I need Ziggy back home, as I'm going into Town, on Thursday night for tea, with some friends from Adult Social Care. And I was hoping to Cycle to the bus stop, and lock her up. despite the fact, that I think that's how and where she got damaged in the first place.

I have a meeting tomorrow with HealthBeMe and Carolines Record of Involvement :) at the Town Hall.

My Friend Rony :)

A year ago tomorrow, the Olympic Torch came through Sheffield, and I know I carried mine on the 26th in Don caster, but I've been asked to join the Sheffield Celebrations, because I'm a Sheffield Lass, and all that. So tomorrow at 11, I'm going to Radio Sheffield. I've got no idea , who will be there. But I'm sure I'll get the chance to talk about the Olympic  Legacy stuff, like MoveMore.....do s'thing. Hopefully I can plug HealthBeMe and the Record of Involvement, and plug the fact that it's going digital this Autumn.

As always (am I boring??) I will talk of Cycling 4 All, at Hillsborough.

'Rocking'

I'm missing  Ziggy, just too much, as I sit here staring out of the window, my arms wrapped round me and gently rocking!!

How's Dave H? does anyone know? are you still a 'listener' :)

:) x

It kinda puts things in perspective.

http://www.karendarke.com/blog/view/sunset_setback

I can't talk about Ziggys progress, but Steves texts were bleak, and he said 'they' were waiting for a part? Not sure who 'they' are...:(

Really sad though

Distance makes the heart grow fonder :(

I so miss Ziggy! I need her now, when I haven't got her? I'm back to feeling helpless. I am not complete!!!

16:44

Whenever I feel it's time to move on from Hillsborough, and maybe concentrate on being a sensible Mum, keeping the house cleaner, being sensible!! reading more, watching t.v perhaps?? Taking an intere

From:	Caroline Waugh (cardouglas10@hotmail.com)
Sent:	20 June 2013 16:44:38
To:

Whenever I feel it's time to move on from Hillsborough, and maybe concentrate on being a sensible Mum, keeping the house cleaner, being sensible!! reading more, watching t.v perhaps?? Taking an interest in EVERYTHING my children talk about, cutting out drinking, talking all the time!!!, getting so easily excited.

I have a day like today that just reminds me why, I keep going and why I love it so much. I can't pretend that I love it because Marj and Barry, brought me a tube of toothpaste because my sensitive teeth have hurt so much. Or because of the lady who came today for the first time, after experiencing 3 strokes. All effecting a different part of her brain, resulting in life changing disabilities. And was soo enthused by the Freedom and Independence she felt, as she cycled unaided. Or by Adam, a young guy, who is getting excited about the possibilities of the variety of Hand Cycles he can choose from, now he knows he can do it.

It's not for any of those reasons, it's because of how happy all those folk make ME feel. :) 

 

Ziggy is in hospital!

Ahhhh :( I went for a local ride on Ziggy, complete with dog attatchment.) After losing Holly dog, just too many times this morning, dragging a -palate that had concrete filled posts!!I finally blocked the gaping hole. And feeling super sorry for myself, for having to do it. I returned to be met by Steve, who took attatchments off, the back, that were rubbing on the tyre. And declared the brakes needed bleeding? He did ask me if the brake pads had been changed ever? I said I thought they had?

She's gone to hosp over night, and I said I'd have her back tomorrow night, and I will borrow one tomorrow at Hillsborough. I can only work there 10-2 tomorrow because of transport issues.

I want to cry :(

After a fantastic evening, with the other 59ers, 60 influential people enjoyed absolutely superb food. At Silversmiths restaurant. It was the National Centre for Sport and Exercise Medicine, and their launch, of ~MoveMore, to get folk ...just moving more!! and staying healthier :) For a couple of hours, I was somebody!

Today?

I am feeling like I am nobody? I've got a gaping hole in the end of my garden, where a guest made a hasty exit. He forgot to open the gate first, preferring to walk through it!!

And I took Ziggy for a little spin to the drs. And I feel crap, because the problem was so little? The chain had come off the back spocket?? I know it's got a name, I just can't recall. My son was very disappointed in me for not knowing. I am really, it just doesn't happen often enough for it to become routine. But my brakes still slack, and intermittently the front ones don't work either at all!!!! which is ok, sort of.....But not when I'm hurtling down Baslow Rd, to Millhouses, or Dore Station. So I was expecting s'one just to help me out today, I was even paying for it. But   they obviously thought I could cope. I can soo do with a spare trike.I feel like I'm metermophing and my legs are becoming cranks and my feet pedals!! The thought of having to actually walk to the drs! filled me with fear!!

I contacted Quest 88 today about borrowing a Running Bike, because I would secretly love to run, just the once? And the guys from the NCSEM sooo want me to do it too for the publicity, but I don't think that's gonna happen either, because of my size. So you can just imagine how shit I feel today.

Sorry to not be happier.

Ziggys Broken

It feels like the rear disc brake? because it's totally slack, and s'things preventing the wheel from turning. And I am so sad, I'm sure it's because she knows I was gonna be unfaithful and get another!!!

Steve M, is calling tomorrow for another reason, but I will ask him to look ?

On a brighter note, although I can't even raise a smile for that. I've been invited to an Olympic Legacy Dinner tomorrow evening, I heard it was the top 200 most influential people in Sheffield!! Wow!!1

Most Influential????

There is a mega prestigious event happening on Monday, it's part of the Olympic Legacy. Remember.....I doubt if you do? But I went to London, to the National Centre for Sports and Exercise Medicine? and introduced myself as the Evidence, that it really worked. Well on the Anniversary of the fantastic Olympic games, and I think it's when the Torch started it's Journey? There is a Dinner to be held at 'Silversmiths' for Sheffields influential folk. And I'm one of them!!!

I appreciate that I was on the reserve list!!! because I've just been asked, and it's on Monday.  But I don't care!! But what will I wear!!!

chilled

It's a good job my whippets chilled, and likes her finger nails trimming. As her feet pound on the road.  I took her everywhere today, secured to Ziggy, My mates for lunch, the GPs, the shops, and the cafe.

The ice adventurer has fallen through :( So has anyone, any suggestions?

I'm soooo happy because Marj and Bazza, are going to Centre Parcs with their grandson because they can cycle, and I suggested it :)

Oooooh I wamt to say soooo much about characters in my blog, but I can't !

I feel Bad for bitching :(

I feel awful for bad mouthing my drunkern neighbours, one of them has been lying semi conscious for 2 days, and has just been taken by ambulance to the Northern General Hospital! Why weren't they as sensible as I am!!

I spent the morning at the Brain Injury Research Redevelopment Partnership, which was all exciting as it's nearly done :D ?????? Only taken 6 years!!

I bumped into Russ, who is the Champion of the Voluntary sector, he does so much Volunteering, whilst experiencing  an invisible illness. I love seeing him he cheers me no end.

I've tried to get a loan for my trike, which I will be paying back out of my direct payments, which is for my health and mobility. So the trike would tick the boxes :) But am I stupid??? don't answer!! Long story but, the online form didn't ask the right questions!!

Anyway I'm off to bed now, at this bewitching hour!! I'm cycling to Millhouses tomorrow.

Last Night, ......tut, tut.

Not me!! Sweetness and light me!! But 2 older men, who so should no better got through a bottle of gin each, whilst frying in my back garden. It took 6hours mind! One staggered through the garden gate (and I mean through, it is actually much easier, if you undo the catch!! The other staggered 2 doors away, after proposing to me !!!Several times!

Finns just bumped into the 'Gate crasher' :D (couldn't resist that) Apparently he's gonna pay for me to have the gate fixed :) So nice one!!

I've booked my place at Theorising Normalcy and Mundane 2013, on Sept 3rd and 4th, wi Kev Hickman and Brigitte, hopefully we'll go to the Tap or the Bath for a nice drink. I can only really do the one night?

I took Holly dog and Ziggy to Julie Andrews new house, it's only round the corner. But I aint cycled since Friday!! 

I'm debating, and no puns please! Whether to buy this Ice Adventurer with extra suspension, and bionx pedal assist? for £2000 plus £385 for delivery and insurance??? What do folk reckon?

I've got a Brain Injury meeting tomorrow. And then Friday, Roz and the new Student who's on placement with Health Be Me are bringing CAKE to my house :) 

Thank you Dave from Glasgow....

Well firstly I must thank the CTC and Steve for making me want to Cycle, and then there's Rob and Carol West Country Recumbent for keeping me on the road. But last night I did a really brave and economical thing!! at 7.30pm I cycled to Dore Station, locked Ziggy up with 2 secure locks! I wasn't nervous or owt??? :) And I caught the train to The Tap, where I had arranged a night out for Marks leaving do (from Cycling 4 All). And caught the 22.50 back to Dore, where of course Ziggy, was waiting. I needn't have worried about her because, she was safe in a well lit car park, under a shelter, with security cameras pointing right at her.

Now Dave can you tackle the street light or lack of them on the cycle path behind Totley Rise Please, I absolutely pooped!!