Missing you all :(

I will get back to you honestly, I haven't forgotten you. You can always email me? on cardouglas10@hotmail.com

Hey, the BBC Lottery Programme, is interviewing me on Wednesday :)

Womens probs...look away....I can't say.... I'll tell you if and when I get a diagnosis,......ouch!

Speak soon, Love you all. x

Mark Witty :D

I think has got to be the funniest guy, I've ever met...his one liners are pure class, I would tell you, but you had to be there!! I do wonder if he had his name changed? or if he became his name? You know like if I'd have been called Gertrude, or Doreen. I might not have been the manipulative and ingenious person that I am s'times. I have nominated Matt Colbeck for the Pride Of Britain Award, in the hope of our book, penned by myself and other brain injury survivors get a plug at the book launch? Proving that we ain't all 'lost causes'? and that WE CAN STRING 2 WORDS TOGETHER. oops

Also because my story is dedicated to my dead father, and the bench we had made for him. And how I can only reach it, because I can cycle there, and how empowering my trike has been. But it mentions, Nigel, Miriam, Steve, Dave Bocking and Buckingham Palace. So the more publicity The Launch gets, the better really.

And I'm really fed up wi not been able to reply to you lovely people who leave your comments, I might pay s'one to sort it.

I'm just gonna add some pics, because I can!!

British Cycling?

I'm chasing up BC, who had reserved me a place on their Ass Cycle Trainer course in Chesterfield, thanks to Wendy Creed. It was cancelled, back in April, and what with finances feeling low, and then being very busy. I haven't chased them up until today. So I'll let you know..?

Thanks Dave, for your comments :) I think Steve bless him has his hands permanently in his suit pockets :)

Caption competition tonight, 'I can't find the tickets in here, have you got them?'

Apparently Sheffield Headway were so impressed with our 'Bike Picnic' at Hillsborough, they have fixed up their own. I think it's this Thursday, so I should be there anyway.

I am still feeling low, so I cycled to my Mums and back. Which has lifted me no end, I gave my contact card to 3 people who were thinking about cycling, ellegidly?

Do you wanna see some more Palace Pics?.... well tough you don't get a choice :)

Oooooh Palace Pics!!!

an insy bit better... well loads actually

Hey, you can't expect me to get everything right? Here's Michelle, taking her 'First Steps' on a cycle at CFH in Hillsborough Park.

If I'm totally honest Hillsborough didn't quite give me the lift that it usually does, but it came close. It was CFH last week this week, so I'd taken in a selection of buns and cake. (yes I know I shouldn't but I'm taking peoples advice) There seemed to be a lot of Cycle trainers about today, plus support staff who'd come with the cyclists. So maybe, I felt a bit redundant. Yet it was to be one of the support staff that gave me a huge lift, she was called Michelle, and very begrudgingly she took a bike down to the courts for herself. 'But there was no way, she was riding it' she said, in an adamant voice. The group split up, with the more competent cyclists doing a bit of road work, on the quiet roads near by. Whist Dave (Santa) and I stayed on the courts where it was flat, with a few folk who didn't feel competent enough.

Meanwhile Fred and Nick meet ed and greeted, a couple of regulars with disabilities who cycled around the park, and Autism Plus. Who were all interesting looking guys riding even more interesting trikes!!

But it was all so Inclusive....except for Michelle, who had vowed and declared, she would only sit on the bike, and that's all she did for a while, until Dave offered to lower the seat, so her feet could reach the floor, and then she could actually move about, which she enjoyed. Dave stood over her, arms wrapped round her, without touching (if you follow) It was enough to make her feel safe enough to try putting her feet on the pedals.

Wow, a couple of rotations, I zoomed up beaming it was so ace seeing someone, be so anti cycling, take their first teetering steps. I moved over into one half of the court, and we babbled excitedly over what this could mean, this total switch round of ideas.

Anyway by the end of the session Michelle had rid en easily a mile, by continuously doing laps of the 'Ball Court' and she talked enthusiastically about my lil dream of doing 121 cycling in Millhouses Park. I gave her one of my cards so 'Hi Michelle, you were superb today, you made my day'

We were so busy , enjoying talking geeky things (hey I like it when I appear, to have knowledge :) ) That we hadn't noticed everyone disappear for lunch!!

Back at the cabin my friends Russel and Marcel had arrived, and the 2 of them were lovely because they sorted my 'Saggy Seat' and it didn't hurt a bit :D

Hi Elly, we try and speak every week, because she follows this, and I'm usually on my way home :( Look forward to it anyway :)

Hey I'm meeting with a guy whose company might be interested in paying for my expenses to continue at Hillsborough, tomorrow. Wish me luck, and I'm sorry I've been a bit down, it's after the highs of The Palace. I did know it would happen.

I've reached the depths

I'm going down :( but I'm glad at the mo.

I hope you all like the pic, that Patrick took, of Steve and I? Outside the palace? We did go in, honestly :D

I've been trying to get hold of 'SimpsonMillar' about our meeting on Friday, but couldn't speak with the guy, I had met before. I do hope it happens??

I've been on the Tesco bus, it's so therapeutic, just wandering aimlessly round a supermarket.

I've become prolific email buds with a younger guy I met at The Headway conference, and yes there are lots of reasons why it won't become more :(, but I just have to be there for him at the mo.

What else....

Ahh, I've had a few affirmatives for 17th of Oct, which is the launch of my Creative Writing Groups book-let. Ooooooooh and I've heard from Mr Bocking today, which was ACE :) I will ask him the secret squirrels password, so I can reply to messages left. As he is the original blog master.

Hey I know I'm shrouded in black, and not at all feminine, but it was cold, and at least it proves I was there. Patrick Trainor, from the CTC is sending me the disc, so I can get some Hard core (ooooh er) copies printed. But not really, this is about as hardcore as it gets!! it was too cold to show off shoulders or cleavage.

Hey, I saw a photo the other day of me 5 years ago, (and totally unprovoked) everyone remarked how I now looked 5 years younger!! It was a particularly grim pic though.

But I was at Social Services today, helping them design a new participation involvement kinda pass, that I can use at Interviews etc, I don't want to feel as if it's a 'there there haven't you done well' kinda thing.

I aint heard from Simpson Millar Solicitors :(

Hey, and aren't you impressed, that I can load pics?

Sorry to leave you danglin!

Re : The Palace, but Patrick Trainor from the CTC took some pics, outside the Palace, and is doing a bit of a thing on Newsnet and Cycle Mag?

And there really isn't too much to add, other than, I have totally changed my opinion of all the extravagence and Pomp, being a waste of money. It must bring so much into the country, in revenue, it's untrue? Everyone I spoke to was staying in London atleast 2 nights, they had shows booked, spent hundreds on outfits. A lot of foriegn visitors were invited, who'd flown in specially, to attend. I will NEVER agree with the Bear skin Busbys?? It takes a whole bear to make one you know!!

I'd started the day at 6am, and crawled into bed fully clothed (even though it was my poshest frock!!!) at 11.30 pm

My heads been a bit full, but I have little on this week, so lots of time to recooperate :)xx

Hi Fiona

I'm slightly more awake, than I was. But I've just reread my illegible touch of pros from yesterday!!! shocking I was a bit tired :)


Just to say, I have got a few pics saved in my camera, I just need s'one to show me how to put them on my blog again.

Sorry Fiona...I've written you a message 3 times, and I keep getting confused.

Just phone me on Caroline 07909972140, if you fancy a meet and a cuppa.

Caroline

Fingers crossed

Woop woop weeeeeeee!!!! I think I've got sponsorship, to continue supporting Cycling for All at Hillsborough Park, for another year :) I know I'm counting my chickens, and this guy, could have been 'Billy Liar'. But I don't think so.

I was sooo tired today, that when my cab picked myself and Ziggy up, I was a little aprehensive? Supposing I fainted again, or worse still had a 'fit'?? Mark Parker, had agreed to meet me . I flited around introducing Steve M, to everyone, I jokingkly asked the trustee of Headway, if he'd sponsor me, so I could continue, my work at Hillsborough. He said I asked why he should? I said how I would be in a position, to encourage children, to wear helmets on their cycles. And because I'm happy and I get about a BIT:) Anyway

Hillsborough

Ha !! My friend Russel, brought in his Spam collection! I did laugh...but you probably had to be there.

I Cycled with CFH, Dave (a newish face and Amanda, who used to run CFH, when I first began at Hillsborough. And my lovely Fred and Nick. I started to feel, a bit light headed, so I excused myself and headed back to the cabin. I had to lean over, to lock Ziggy to the fence, next minute I was in Ziggy but on my tummy!!!(very ungainly and not at all attractive.) With the back rest sticking in my ribs. A stranger in green past, and I asked him to pick me up (poor sod)

Nick bought me a jacket spud, Fred, made me a coffee, and I even asked Sue from the Mental Health group, to take me for a wee :) But I did manage to laugh at Russels tins of spam, which I have taken pics of. And I promise I will show you soon.

I've got a Brain Injury sharing information day tomorrow. I'm taking Ziggy at 845 and meeting Steve M (CTC) at the town hall, and he's bringing me and my trike home.

I cant laugh, I'm feeling right miserable.

Wednesday

Easily cycled, without drama to see my Mum, who recognises me, but is difficult to understand. But I love making her happy, and she does smile, when I visit. :)

I went on to meet Miriam, (I bumped into my ex husband, in Millhouses cafe, and talk about wrong face, wrong place!!!!) We exchanged pleasantries, and off I sped, home before the kids got home.

The Palace

What a Great Day!!!.......to be continued :)

I'm Back!!

It's no good, I'm just not that good, at keeping my Blog funny and interesting. It's only like a journal, of my life? But I do find my life interesting :) It's just transcribing that onto the screen, doesn't always work. So I'd love it if you stayed, but hey, you don't have to.xx

Oooooh Friday morning, I was all gobledy gook! my kids couldn't really get a proper sentence from me. I didn't really want to let anyone down, because I felt this weekend different organisations, might be watching me and yes the dreaded word....Judging....but not just me, the CTC, Altogether Better, Zest, and Sheffield's Adult Social Care. I was pretty sure they would be coming to a conclusion about Hillsborough Inclusive Cycling, Self Directed Support, and other Hot Potatoes? :) Maybe they'd hear about the Brain Injury Research Rehab Partnership, It's all relevant, to my success, as an individual.

I suppose 5years ago, when I hit rock bottom, I only had 2 choices. Kill myself? I could have done it quite easily with razor blades, as I lay in the bath that Evening waiting for My Husband and my 'Best Friend' to bring my Children back from London. But who would have found me?

I had visions of 30 years time, My children sitting in some therapy group. Gripping their knees and gently rocking, too and fro. Trying to come to terms with why their Mum had left them. Or I could reinvented Myself. I had 3 years of being a teenager again. And indeed displaying tendencies that are stereo typical, of some Brain Damage. Like being incredibly outspoken, outrageous even at times.But I'd rather be a bit naughty than frigid!! (which can also happen!)

So Matt, the funny liberating guy, who happens to be my tutor/facilitator/friend co author??? Picked Steph Grant and I up, on Friday Morning. Wow, this was gonna be great, as I sat in the front listening to 'Tinder sticks'. Because of his apparent love of music, I asked him if he'd lovingly look after and keep forever and treasure my 50 vinyl Records? A match was made in heaven, I could happily give them to him.

The evening was spent acquainting myself in the bar, I was just being friendly you understand? The accommodation, at the University of Leicester was tops. The 3 of us were all split up though, but no worries. We were all only a building apart. I have never laughed at Steph so much, (but you honestly had to be there, but Matt and I were in tucks) but we laughed with him you must understand?

The bar closed at 1230 :(

Saturday, was so successful. I was torn between The CTCs Policy about Cycling helmets and Headways, because as a victim of a Brain Injury. Should everyone be 'sitting on a fence' arguing, when folk die everyday. So if s'one took the bull by the horns and said tough it's now law. Surely that would save lots of heart ache. But where would it stop? should I for instance, be restricted to 1 biscuit a day? because of obesity? Should my little boy have to wear a crash helmet to play football?

On other experiences, I've had since my car crash, I articulated them well, I think. And got a belly full of laughs, I only took a 100 cards and they were snatched up. Like sweets in a candy store!! And Steph was amazing. He had written the most 'Touching' piece of work. Which Matt had read out earlier in the day. I sat next to him whilst it was read, and his eyes were brimming with tears, until they overflowed onto his cheeks. I gently touched his arm, I'm not sure if he noticed. He was back 20 years ago with the young man who lay in a coma, surrounded by Well wishers, who pushed and shoved to be seen close to him. Pushing the one person, he loved and wanted to be close, to the back, to patiently wait her turn.

So the day flew, We did another Workshop, and I just had a spare hour before tea. I tell you it was a good job Matt was there to keep tabs, and phone me and call for me, because my head was swimming with the days conversations!! I just didn't know what I was doing half the time?? So dinner passed with more laughter, about Stephs menu choice, in actual fact I bought him a bag of Salt and Vinegar crisps during dinner, rather than see him starve again!!

We drank copious amounts of wine, it was great, and went back to the lovely Franks, with Mervyn 'a wise man' So yes your right there were 5 men, and myself. And what deep philosophical conversations we had, it was great. For the first time in ages, I truely relaxed.....till 3am!!!

Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring!!!!! my alarm, it was 10mins till breakfast, but luckily, when I'd got in earlier that morning. I'd got changed, and got on the bed. What a top move all I had to do was brush my teeth.

I did all the usual things, lots of goodbyes.

What a lovely weekend, thank you everyone who made it happen.

Way Ahead - Headway

Was amazing!!!

I don't want to incriminate anyone though :)So I'll have to think for a bit, because you know me usually? I tend to say things as they are.

I am knackered though.

Catch you later. Love Ya xxxx

Awww Hillsborough

It was really busy today, folk coming and going, one guy who came last week, when I was unable to attend. Cycled the park 20 times, with his carer. And discussed joining the group that was set up for all levels of ability, but primarily all limbs and brain were in full working order?????(eeek sorry to offend) They just needed support to take the cycling experience to what ever level they wanted to. So lets see if he returns?

Mair Cycle Chic came, which was nice. Folk seemed curious about her bike, which looks as if it must weigh as much as a bus. Unfortunately, Marcel, just missed her by 5 mins, so he didn't get to see her bike. But I've promised to arrange another meet at Millhouses? Actually, I'm meeting Miriam at 1 there on Wednesday.

Hey, I braved it to Lilies Sandwich shop, which I had always imagined to be way too far for me???? (it's about 25 yards)???? But I felt right proud of.

There was only, 1 trainer for CFH, Nick and Fred, seemed to help out on Cycling for All, and I helped Dave with CFH, but not all the time, we all just mingled, everyone communicated, and everyone was equal. And when the mental Health group arrived at 1, it was just a continuation, of the same .....awwwwww, lovely jubblies (does that mean women's breasts?)maybe wrong place then?

Got home, and fell asleep, on the settee. Only to be woken at 4, by a nice man. :)

Marcell and Cycle Chic

Ahhh, I love my friends :) I am lucky to know some extraordinarily nice folk. Who are so accepting of every ones strange ways. Today was no different, both my friends met for the first time, knew nowt about each other. If they had, what preconceptions, would they have jumped too then?

I was extremely hassled trying to sort my hair doing, a manicure, pedicure. A visit to my Mums, a vital chat with Rhian, from Altogether Better, and the same wi Mr Marsden. And I also had to communicate about the oncoming weekend in (I'm so slack wi my wee girl, I've just let her go to the end of the garden, shes grounded though!!) It's like watching a caged animal at the zoo , pacing from side to side. Staring hungrily as the children, play at the other side of the fence!!

Where was I? Oh yeah, it's a right bloody climb, up Baslow Rd, if you don't use the cycle path, to get to my house. Despite it becoming incredibly easy to nip to my Mums and home. It really is, so hard to cycle uphill. I'd got Parents Evening, and then I had to be home, for my kids. But time ticked on!!

In my haste, I've now got bright red nail varnish, on my face!!!!? and all gathered up as if queueing at the quick of my nail, because I couldn't wait to plunge into my pockets for my bike lock key. Ahh well!! I can't be doing wi being prissy, it's just not me.

I got a quick lecture off Steve M, I had to hurry him, as the woman was waiting and looking menacing with her plastic gloves. About the BBC lottery Bid thing, he said, it's not really about Hillsborough or Cycling, it's about you!! So stop trying to be right, just do what you want, and I will come if you want me to. Which was really nice. And a massive relief. So latest plan is to do a Norfolk Park, which is near to the railway station, and Marcel will come and be someone I've helped???? just by giving him confidence ???? By treating everyone as equal, I think he meant.

I did listen to Miar (CC) and Marcel, talk about their long rides, a bit wistfully, maybe one day????

Quickly....it's like this

Wednesday the 3rd of August, the BBC will come to Hillsborough for 2mins!!!

No Wanna be Cyclists, so Hannah from ASC is asking round and will possibly bring quite a few with varying disabilities?? Now this is really good because even if we've got them there under the lure of fame and the lime light. It might turn out that they actually quite like cycling.

Nick won't be there :( Awwww, I like our usual crew.

Fantastic news though Steve Marsden will be instead :) But not really in a 'Oooooh look at me role' From what I gather, just over seeing that I've not bit off more than I can chew I think. And to be there just incase we have a crisis, and no one turns up???

The CTC were contacted i'll tell you tomorrow, when I'm back from Millhouses. I can't concentrate, too many things buzzin in my head.

xxx

Fingers on Buzzes (cont)

I do very much want Nick there though,and Fred, and Dave. So I might have a word wi Miriam.

Fingers on buzzers

In September, the BBC will screen a night promoting all their worthwhile projects, now the 1 that has sponsored me for 2 years, is called Altogether Better. I hate to deviate but I was proper poorly today, throwing up in a bowl, and that is why I didn't open the email that told me about the BBC coming to film the work that happens at Hillsborough Park every Thursday.(She says gasping for air) (except they might be coming on a Wednesday ?????)I write like I speak!!! So I phoned Nick :( who unfortunately can't be there on the Wednesday) But all the Cycles are free :) So I just need Steve to come along in his CTC tee shirt, to be the trainer on that day, and some Wanna be Cyclists.

So that got me thinking, I rang Hannah who agreed yet again, to help me out and gather some willing Cyclists, to come and have a go.

Oh well, I feel much better now, in fact a bit hungry. I'm all excited:)

Sorry Dave

2 years ago, when I was even less computer savy? is that possible, I hear you say. Dave Bocking set my Blog up for me, and gave me basic instructions, on keeping it going. At some point, possibly when I got a new one? I became unable to reply to comments that kind folk have left, without a secret account email. It's not the I aintnotomato one it's another involving Bockings name. But I've tried, a little bit to get hold of him. I may just have to set up a new blog.....it does my head in, thinking about it. And that's why you didn't receive a reply....well you did but, hey it was a private 1.

I cycled to the park, 4 times in a week last week.. :)... I must have nowt better to do?? I am quite chilled actually but a little depressed.

And I will come and meet you all at Dore Station maybe Dave?? But I'm not up to cycling over to Greystones, it's nearly all up hill and you'd get naffed off waiting for me, honestly.

Cliffhanger @ Millhouses Park

I waved goodbye to my kiddy winkies, and set off to the Park, I do love that ride now. It's weird to think it once terrified me, admittedly I was going Henliegh Hall way, to try and escape paying £6!!!! entry. (We can but try, us Cripples) as for the first year, we had no concessions. :) x

It was fantastic to see how popular the CTC/BMX stand was, there were about 20 youngsters waiting for a shot on the bikes with Steve and Ed coaxing them along bridges and up the See saws. Again Ziggy got a lot of attention, as I went exploring the park. It was great, I just directed them to Steve. Or gave them one of my new contact cards which have his number as well as Nick at Hillsborough on it.

I bumped into the man who was the first boy, I invited home for tea at the age of 12/13, who I aint seen for nearly 5 years (he came to my 40th b'day party) And he did warn me to keep my clutches on my Daughter, in case she took after me!! adding..You know what you were up to at her age!! (I did blush)

Whilst speaking to Richard, I had noticed this couple, kinda hanging around waiting to speak. I presumed they knew Richard because I didn't know them, but they knew me evidently. It was Elizabeth the CTC Cycle Champion from Leicester. We had a good gossip, about geeky things, before I headed back.

Ooooh I have to say... What does a stand called 'Sportability' imply to everyone? Well I obviously was barking mad by presuming it had anything to do with All ability sports. How silly it was a stand for easy ski ing equipment!! Anyway I think the young very fit bloke felt a little foolish, when I told him of my presumption (and so he should!!!)

I called back at the CTC stand, to say tot ta. And went on to see Mum, dementia is a very sad illness :(

Cycled home, and was joined by a cyclist I know for a bit of the way. Hey this new cyclist, overtook this recumbent presumed it was me, so blew a kiss, only to realise it was another guy!!!

Urrrrm what else....?... my left knee really is starting to ache, as I rotate the pedal. I really do have a list of things that the GP wants to see me about.