smiling on the inside

Julie Andrews and I took our daughters girly shopping, and I cycled to the bus stop and it was sooo difficult. Why is Sheffield so hilly? Even if I put my Slumfph??? gear on, it's just like free wheeling and not getting too far, does it go on the small chain ring, because it just seems like a forceful thrust of the pedal, just doesn't get me anywhere? Am I just whinging, and not admitting, that I'm not a good cyclist?

Feel a bit happier, having spoken to Dave about the meeting on the 5th, at Hillsborough Inclusive Cycling. And yeah, I think we can do it :) I will phone you tomorrow Kev, I got sucked into playing the hostess with the mostess, this evening. And getting drunk wi my neighbour Pete. Have I told you all the very funny way, inwhich Pete and I met? My profile on 'Plenty Of Fish' says I live at Totley Sheffield. One Afternoon, I got a message saying 'So you live in Totley? It's nice apart from ***** **!! which is where I live. So I said, are you stalking me? to which he replied no, telling me he lived at no --, which was in fact 3 houses away!! We'd been neighbours for 18years, and never spoken.

I'm rambling incoherantly, :)

I will speak to Nigel, my health champs person, and see if he thinks it's worth getting anyone else involved at this stage, and extend the invites on the 5th.

I may cycle to visit my Mum tomorrow, totally avoiding the mountain of washing, ...again ;)x

Fantastic.......sleeping now

Just a quickie, to let everyone know I'm back. I rushed in, opened my emails, which did take a while :)

Had a visit from the local constabulory, (long story)

I'm gonna have a cat nap.

Hey, I'm mentioned in this months Cycle Magazine 3 times this month!!!!

Scared

I'm a right miserable bugger really, aren't I? I'm off to Centre Parks this am, and to be honest, it fills me with dread. I'm just sooo scared, incase owt goes wrong, and I haven't got anyone to hold my hand. Supposing I loose a child or s'thing? Or Ziggy gets stolen?

Micky the Gangster,, is putting finishing touches to my bathroom. Whilst Julie Andrews is making use of a few of my home comforts, and getting her dog used to my house, as I'm looking after it soon, whilst she's away.

Do you know? I soo dreaded going to York though, and hand on heart, I don't know if I really loved it. But the feeling of accomplishment, was immense. And I know. this will be much easier, as my lovely bruv booked it for me. So certain things are guaranteed, and he's really made things very easy for me. If nowt unusual or unexpected happens.

I'm hoping I can get a go canoeing or Quad biking, though? I'll be like the girl of the Tampax advert. I will try and get some photos, of some nice bike rides, because I do not intend for it to be a lazy holiday. And I know my leg isn't really healed, but I've got loads of replacement dressings. Ahhh, I've not been swimming for 7 months!!! I love swimming.

I will try and log in, and blog. But I'm not sure how easy it'll be.

:)

shop till ya drop!!

On Monday the children and I are off to Centre Parks, at Sherwood Forest. And do you know it was a year ago, that I had a dream....kind of. That one day, I would take the children there, and be able to cycle, on a borrowed tricycle!! And now, I'm taking my own Ziggy, and the kids bikes for 4 nights :) It just shows how far I've come, in a year.

I've really been putting off buying anything extra, because I kinda hoped 'Daddy' might buy it. But I had to swallow my principles, about cheap labour and all that, and go and fund it, in Primark!!! It's amazing how much you can buy for £50 from there. I had no chance of fitting it in my panniers.

Do I sound like a woman? all this talk of value for money ooooooh?

Hey, I was asked for my expert advice again on Friday, about how to deliver Independant Budgeting Training, ey I feel quite important, when they pay for transport as well as wages, as well as lunch :)

Am I boring? I have got quite a lot of cycling stuff to discuss, but I need to sound a few folk out first.

I should be able to blog a bit from Centre Parks, but if it's difficult, maybe the 'Fat Lass' will be quiet for 4 days. Hey my daughter suggested I had lyposuction today :D I laughed and then thought, well I have got incredibly strong stomach muscles. But I cannot, ever shift the tyre that I have developed over the years of child bearing, disability, inactivity, and indulgence.

Did I mention, the police yesterday?????on the school run???? and the helicopter, circling the area all day. Apparently, this guy's gone missing. And police are suspicious about his well being.

I think I'll cycle to see my Mum tomorrow, just so I can wear, my bike helmet indoors, and smile when folk look at me :D

Really looking forward to meeting, Kev and Nobby, when they come and meet me Nigel, Dave, and Steve, at Hillsborough, which will infact be the next time that I go there.

I'm going to bed now before I send you all to sleep.

Night, Night.
xxxxx

:) Rain

:) I set off for Inclusive Cycling today, with the rain beating down, and the windscreen wipers, barely able to keep up. 'No one 'll be there love, you're wasting your time' said my taxi driver. Oh well I wanna go, was my reply. I arrived only to see, a woman from Flourish, who had been totally won over by mine and Steve's presentation. And another woman who'd heard me 'harping on' at Mondays travel talk. together with a support worker who'd been to my house before. The lovely Fred was there with Wren, one of the Park Rangers. Meanwhile it absolutely poured with rain. All the visitors decided they'd rather come back on a nicer day. So the 3 of us played Crown Green Bowls, in the pouring rain. :D It was first to 7, Wren won, Fred came 2nd with 6, and me ? :( I got 2!!. I bet I can see round corners better than them 2 though!!

I went to a very important meeting, with Social Services and The Self Directed Support team. There were a few familiar faces, including the lovely Nicky, Jeanette, and Mary. I think I came out with a couple of valuable points, that will be taken on board when producing the final manuscript.

I am absolutely shattered now though, fortunately the children were at their Dads for tea. As I didn't get in till 6.15pm, awwwww I do it all for love too. :)

Urrrm NO, I think you are mistaken!

:D The funniest thing was said to me today!! Oh, and it did make my Mum laugh so much, it was worth it. I cycled 3 miles, to her Home, locked Ziggy in the entrance, and I never take my helmet off, in case I leave it!! and it frees my hands up also. Anyway, I was speaking to my Mum, and this 'Mature' Carer, asked me if I always wore my helmet??? and I explained the above, to which he said, is it because of 'Drop Fits' to stop you banging your head? I couldn't believe what I heard, how funny, but how insensitive? Supposing it had have been for that reason!!!



I did a very foolish thing, and deserved to p* the driver of the articulated lorry off!! I turned left at Beauchief lights on the way home. And this lorry was up my ass, so I slowed down, and stuck my left arm out to show I was pulling in, to let him over take me. I then waved my right arm to indicate that I wanted him to overtake me, he nudged even closer to me and continuously sounded his extremely loud horn. I felt very silly, so I had no choice but to frantically pedal, saying this I really enjoy the run to my Mums, it's just the right distance :)



Poor Nic the nurse, rumours will be flying round about him and 'Mavis' daughter the one who wears the safety helmet, in case she has a 'drop fit' :D

I cycled to school, and my kids make me so proud on their bikes, other parents comment always about how good they are on their cycles. Hey I almost forgot :D Remember that Asian family, on my road that had a teenage son, who used to try and scare me? Well today, he couldn't fix his bike, so he brought it round to mine, and asked for MY help :) So I handed him the bicycle tool, (a bunch of allen keys) and he couldn't find the right one. So I strolled over, and asked casually if I could help? Casually I used the correct one, and tightened the handle bars in a jiffy. Ey I was right proud.

All the kids have bounced until they dropped, but they just weren't tired enough :D So they have gone to football practice.

ICDH

I was to be presented with my ICDH certificate today at the very salubrious Cutlers Hall. And I have to say, I was a bit disappointed :( I'm always grumbling. The speakers, weren't that interesting to me, but I bet some people say that about me, when I'm thinking, I'm being soo funny, slapping my thighs etc. And all folk are really thinking, is whose that nerd!! BUT, the acoustics of the Hall, didn't give them a chance. And folk are SO rude!! I would never dream, of having a seperate conversation, whilst someones speaking. I mean, I was only really into what Nigel was saying, because he's always so lovely :) And I know he's got big plans to help me secure a bit of funding, for inclusive cycling in Sheffield next year. Well actually it was more about me getting the funding I needed to keep on encouraging, I think???? All will be revealed on August the 5th I think.

I cycled to school to collect my children, much to my wee boys delight. We were all very happy to find Micky erecting ;) I'm sooo childish (it's one of them words again!!) the childrens trampolene.

Pete's been and gone. And 100's of children, have been to try the new toy.

Happy Manbird.

Thank you to everyone, who cared that I was down last nite. Due to everyones efforts, it was short lived, and it was just another trough in my life. I cycled the school run, DH phoned, and Pete my neighbour arrived, with booze, I ate my curry, and shouted and swore a lot telling rude jokes. I was thankful that my children were with their Dad, and didn't witness my obnoxious behaviour :)

After a blip in my life this morning, when I wasn't well at all. I showered and felt great, ready to take on the world. So I got my taxi to the travel talk, that I was part of today. Steve (CTC) and Gavin (bike club) were already there with some of the cycles.

I was sooo proud of a few people today, Liz S, Hannah, Mary, Nicky, Cath, who met my dependable Steve (ctc) :) Who looks forward to cycling with them on the 2nd of Sept, at Hillsborough.

I rushed home, (yes I know it was by taxi!!!!) in time for the school run, only to see F* face look like thunder, as he saw me straining, to pedal up the road. He likes to think he's grown up enough to come home, with the crowd, NOT with Mummy :D

I haven't even got the decorators?????

I really don't understand me at all. I seem to be a bit 'bi polar' or s'thing? I'm either really happy, even in the rain, at Beauchief traffic lights!! or I get all reflective, when I'm not busy, and this is when I get down. So is it infact the true me? I just deliberately don't give myself the luxury of time to get maudlin very often.
My exhusband, and father to my children gets married to my ex bezzy mate in a month.....Yes and it began when I was the common dinominator !! But hand on heart, now I'm over it. I'm much better off, and much more independent. And I see him, smothering and controlling her, and she has no personality to stand up and be counted, a bit like a 'Steptford Wife' ??? I just think I don't deserve to be on my own, I know I'm a funny (as in ha ha) interesting, intelligent (debateable I know) curvy :D......woman with a disability!! And I know despite, what everybody in the world say's about my disability, not being important??? Well why am I still on my own then????
I've started crying now. I'm going for a cycle.

:D

Do you know, I think I was a little too 'open' when I applied for my Cert Ed. I remembered I put one of my contact cards in, that has my ever so honest blog addy on it. So what with all the talk of F.Bs and 'Fish Friday' and 'sealing slits' back up. Uh Oh!!!

If you've been 'with me' for a while, you'll know that, I attend monthly meetings at BIRRP, (Brain Injury Rehab Research Partnership) anyway the has been going on for 3 years. And I think 'by jove we're nearly done' Hopefully it will be a massive success :) And we will be able to gather some useful and informative information, when collecting our data off other survivors of brain injury.

So I was a bit kind of relieved, because I'm getting drawn more and more into the Social Services side of stuff, which sort of links with my Cert Ed-Inclusive Cycling, Health Champion stuff. Because it was Friday, the workers had hopefully finished, my rats had fled? my ankles were now slimish. And I'd got some exciting stuff happening in the next few weeks, so the booze flowed and so did conversation. So much so, I stood talking for 7 hours!!!! My ankles erent so slim, by midnight!!!

Oh yeah, I meant to say, the SDS team that I work with on a Wednesday, are all booked in to try the inclusive cycling on the 2nd of September, and my lovely Steve's gonna be there, because I asked him too.

I only cycled to the bus stop, in the pouring rain today, I returned from town, and panniers are just never big enough, any ideas anyone?

Oil Spill

Am I really so serious and sad, that I can be so relieved about, the Bp oil spill. The fact I've had a really dull day, goes into the realms of being fairly insignificant really.

I am happy though, because, You know how DH likes to call me 'The elephant in the corner of the room?' Well DH, Kev, Nobby, Steve, Nigel and I, are all meeting on the 5th of Aug, at Hillsborough Inclusive Cycling :) To talk about me, among other things. I'm just glad I can bring them altogether

I left the inclusive cycling because, it's gone very quiet now because the school, that normally visits are on holiday now :( ahhhh I missed them all today.

RATS

Yuk!!!!!! Now, whether it's owt to do with the fact that the plumbers/builders/electrician, left a brick out of the wall for 3 nights. Plus the house got pretty trashed, last week. (but not with food and stuff?) But we have now got rats!!! I reckon the size of guinui Pigs, going by the size of the droppings I found today.

The reason why I'm quick to blame the builders, is that's exactly how, Julie Andrews got rat's earlier this year, and I subconsciously remembered that when I saw I'd got an opening in the wall for 2 nights. Urrrrgh!!! I nearly said s'thing, but I didn't want them to think me mad. (how crap is that?)

On a better note :) I cycled to see my Mum today, and chose to go the suggested route, that I'd tried with Steve (ctc). Even though this meant mounting the pavement, it was a lot safer, than where I'd been mounting the curb before (am I boring?) Hey you may be able to get a glimpse of the staggered junction, on google eye. If you go to S7 2QW. On my return, I resisted the nightmares of 'What Ifs' as I passed the spot where I was nearly squashed. How sad am I? I rushed in to phone Steve, 'I was rite proud of myself :D, and I'm glad I did, because during our conversation, I happened to mention, that I only needed to be a level 2 bikebility in order to assist a cycle trainer. He agreed I was that level now!! So I asked him to vouch for me, with those that need to know, that I'm interested. I know if I passed my assistant cycle trainer course, I would be used because 'I have a disability'

Also, I got a phone call today, asking me if I'd like to sit on a Board advising on the type of services that users of Individual Budgeting, would like to 'buy in'. (Do you think it's because I'm a tight git?) :D

It's now thundering and lightening, and absolutely pouring it down!! I hope it clears for tomorrow? And my darling Fred isn't going, I'm not sure but I think Ed instead, who is equally as lovely.

Cry :(

I cried today, when I was just explaining to Julie, about what happened yesterday. It's a horrible thought knowing that I'm not an able cyclist, well not good enough to teach others, which was my new dream really. And now it's shattered, see I'm crying now.

And no matter what Steve say's I know, he deserved better. If you understand me, he put so much effort into yesterday, It was worthy of me doing a ride to Sheffield and back, let alone a couple of miles...

Builders have gone, but decorators are in ;)

Wet

I am only just warm, and my eyelids are soooo heavy. Steve phoned early today saying, it is very wet outside Caroline, I'll totally understand if you don't want to go out? I'm ok, thanks I don't mind a bit of rain, was my reply. Much to Steve's secret disappointment I think!! He made a map of the 9 lanes of traffic, and explained which way we would go, bless him he's very patient with me. I was very conscious of him being right behind me all the way, and I was pleased with my performance (not that it was difficult, mind you.) It's just along time since Steve and I have cycled anywhere, together, Other than York, and we'd both got other responsibilities.

I'm such a dolls head at times! I cycled (like a car!!) in my head, so much so that I rode straight through the cycle box, and a red light!!! (Iwas only following the car infront) :D Next thing Steve was at my side, as I halted because I sensed danger. 'Caroline that was absolutelly great,' he said except where do you think You'll go now? I was a bit scared I freely admitted, now I had wanted to just nip behind the car infront, as it beat the lights, and had I been a fast car that would have been fine, but I wasn't likely to make it, bnefore the oncoming traffic started to roar. We had several attempts at this, everytime the lights were different, I didn't get killed but, my stress level was immense. Then we tried a way my bro had suggested, which was very easy, and we both believed we'd solved the problem. Until I turned round and wanted to come back through the lights, six times they changed before mine give way and went green, no matter how much Steve reversed and rode in front of the lights, jumping and flapping his arms about!! We did a ui at my Mums again, and I cycled left at the lights, only to be penned into the curb, by a HUGE cattle carrier, the drivers behaviour, didn't really suprize me , as I imagined he treated cyclists in the same manner, as the poor animals who stuck their noses through the bars of his lorry. I could hear Steve telling me to keep going, and that I was doing everything right, as he yelled it over the sound of the noisy engine. I turned in as soon as I safetly could. Steve turned in to, and suggested we have a coffee. We had now been out three and a half hours, it was very wet, Steve was cold. But wanted to keep going as long as I did, but confessed of his fears, with the truck incident. How could he face D* and F*, if I had died??? We both agreed it was safer, for me to go on the pavement for the time being anyway, and headed home. Vowing we'd try again in a few months.

Still wet, and an insy bit disappointed, because I think that was me going to the limit of my capabilities. And so it's difficult for me to accept, that that's me. I then cycled to meet my children, and we all returned, and got snuggly and warm, dry and fed. And I thought my determination, has got it's limits too, and I think i'd just found that limit, because I'd wanted to.

I've done it, posted the form...eeeeek Cert Ed

Well I've actually completed my application form and sent it off, and it's a bit scary to be honest, but exciting. Hey it's a good job I can cycle because the letter box, across the road, had it's 'slit' blocked. Ooooh that's such a rude word(kind of) :D It's one of those words which is entirely clean, but it has such connotations, or is it my very immature 21 year old brain again???? I cycled to the Rise, to post it and was really happy with my life, (for once) I can hear you say, I know I've been a right moaning Minnie. Once there, I parked up, and I noticed a car stop, to stare at Ziggy. They were Chris and Dave Slack, and I like to think I didn't bore them too much, with tales of the most important thing that has happened in my life......not really my disabling RTA, or my divorce, or even my fantastic children, but cycling, and the Inclusive Cycling at Hillsborough. How incredibly geeky????

Oh I had a shower, so thanks S & S, I think that's helped my mood, but the builders/plumbers/my decorators ;) are in tomorrow, what a cheery thought. And Steve beautiful Marsden is going to face my nemesis with me. I'm gonna tackle Beauchief lights!!!

Fish Friday :)

I'm very lucky, I just don't appreciate things when I'm down, but I do know I will be ok next week at this time. Thankfully for me, life will be getting back to normal as of Thursday, apparently. But eeeeek I've got no electricity on Tuesday!!! What will I do without my computer??? And my experience has told me, that there are always frustrating problems, reconnecting.

Anyway, I had been bowled over by every ones offer of help and support in my application for my Cert Ed. I'm so sure I'd be able to do the type of work, it would qualify me to do, and I think with a bit of effort, I could even manage the studies. But as for the application form, and downloading it and printing it, and completing it.....whooooosh. I know it's a relatively simple process, and sometimes it works for me, and sometimes not... :D Horace was my first saviour, yesterday. He is a paid community support worker, (does that make me sound unintelligent???) He helps me as and when, and it was an as and when situation, I thought. So the poor guy spent 2hours at my house, moving printers, and using memory sticks to transfer data. All of which I just haven't got the nouse to do, or haven't ever been shown.

Meanwhile I was chasing up my sexy black support stockings, (urrr not at all!!) and a bin liner full of bandages. Zap!!! In flies the service of Richard, who collected them for me and dropped them off all safe and sound at mine, where he would be returning later. Then the wonderful Kath arrived at mine, making me feel totally humble. She is a receiver of an Individual Budget, like myself, and helps with the Self Directed Support training I do. She is in a wheelchair, and caught the 97 bus to my house!! Being an ex teacher herself, she kinda knew what was required of me, and the type of answers the University were looking for.

Builders, plumbers, electricians were all still wandering freely around my house, rooms were emptied upstairs and cupboards in the kitchen. I want so much to be organised!! Oh, and I've got an infestation of ants :( Julie arrived at about 2, making some light hearted joke about borrowing the wheelchair. She had presumed it was mine, from years ago. And was mortally embarrassed when Kath chirped up, that she couldn't !! I arranged to go to the pub after school, with Julie for tea, and truck loads of children, if she met everyone from school. Bedlam, builders, boisterous urrrrm beautiful (what did you think?)kids. Called into get changed after school, Kind Kath, set off on the ardious journey home. I set off like the pied piper to Julies house and onto the pub, on my trike of course.

My daughter, at the pub fended off 3 boys who all were putting bids in for taking her to the end of school prom!! She's 11, and I was very proud of her but extemely fearful of the years to come!!

Oh yeah, and remember Mums nurse? ;) I cycled swiftly back home from the pub to meet him, at mine. But urrrm no funny business, remember I've not had a shower for 4 days...urgh, re the title. xx

I'm back :)

Hi :)

I'm here 'Warts and all' 'bad punctuation' and all that. I welcome peoples different experiences, and opinions, on life. And the important things in life.

Basically I aint been here because I've had a really crap time, and I only like spreading positivity. Not the negative stuff, don't worry though it's nowt big, I'm sure I'll be here, when I've got a toilet and a shower, and electricity, and haven't got builders walking through my house continuously.

I miss you all though.

W4W

WoW, W4W !!!! how many Ws can I use? without resorting to lowering the tone :) Wheels 4 Wellbeing, are wanting cyclists with disabilities to go and be 'counted' at the cycling exhibition in London and help out folk who may want to cycle but are needing a different type of cycle, and exploring the possibilities for them.

Hey Kev, how about we fix up a cycle ride with our local MPs? :Dx

I'm working with the SDS team tomorrow, which I always enjoy.

yo-yo

One minute, I'm all down in the dumps and negative, the next I'm on a high and planning all sorts of very exciting new ventures, but then I think, hang on a minute? It's me the fat lass!! I've gotta confess, I even struggled wi downloading the application for the Cert Ed!!! let alone filling it in and returning it. But yet I find the idea, of being some kind of facilitator/tutor type of person, really appealing. They do say that every 'teacher' person, is a failed musician/actor. Tee hee. :D

I spoke to Steve, who hadn't missed lil ol me!! How exciting his holiday looked though Mountain biking in Les gets. It's no surprise that he never gave me a thought.....x We've fixed a date for turning Right at Beauchief traffic lights though, eeeeeeeek. And I reminded him that he'd got to give a talk with me, that the council have had planned for months, on the 19th.

Hi :)

Hello, Just letting you know I am still here. Urrrgh let me think.....nowt to report, I've sent off a couple of emails, in an attempt to get on my Cert Ed, in September. But I think I've left it too late now. I did this partly because of the valuable experience I have received from my work within the Social Services Department. And partly due to the learning curve I experienced on my ICDH course, and being a Health Champion. All of this in addition to my work, at the Inclusive Cycling, would make it an ideal choice, plus the fact that I gained my Cert and Adv Cert in Counseling, so I think I'm capable. It's if it requires a GCSE in Maths.... I got unclassified!!!

I think I've been a bit lonely this weekend :( my children, have been with my bruv yesterday, and then I nipped over for my tea. And today? I've cycled to the shops. And for my sins I got a taxi to see my Mum!! Not a good day,

What a Sweaty Fat Lass, I feel.

Elephant?

Thank you Dave for correctly identifying how I feel sometimes :) And I'd rather be an elephant than invisable. Can I just be clear, this has no referance what so ever to do with my size. Or the fact that I DID have 'Elephantitus' in my ankles, which have shrunk by 3.5 cm.

I think it would be a good idea. if all interested parties met at the Inclusive Cycling in Sheffield, which would narrow it down to a Thursday, and Dave you said you were going to Manchester one Friday in Aug, do you know when?

I'm NOT being incredibly forward, but my children are away, and folk coming to inclusive cycling that day to discuss, getting me to Norwich are welcome to stop over. I live a mile from Dore train station, which has a direct line to Sheffield or Manchester.

And I hope I don't appear ungrateful to you all, because I really am forever in your debt. But I'm the only one who knows how I feel, and barmy though my insecurities may be at times. (I'm thinking especially of the blood stained white vest!!) I can't help the way I am, :) But big thanks to each of you.

I'm full now, that humble pie is filling :)

Nice day, cycled to the chemist, then home to see Kim nursey. Who was delighted with my new legs. Just another week she reckons???? My ulcer is still apparent, although it has shrunk a tinsy bit. And then the mile uphill to school, it is nice and cooling on my return though.

Awwww Yummy Mummy's

I say with baited breath!!

I cycled in Hillsborough Park today, with the young folk. Who'd booked in for the first session of inclusive cycling, now drop dead gorgeous Fred led the group. And I trailed at the rear, partly through choice, and partly through my legs 'burning up'. So there was Fred on a 2 wheeler, followed by 8 bikes of all different shapes and sizes. And me covering the rear on Ziggy. We passed these young Mums pushing their prams, who smiled very ungenuinelyas we passed. And one said to me, ' Ahhhh Are you having a nice ride?' I wish I'd been quicker and said, 'Have I run o'r a kitten or something?'

Not many folk came to enjoy the cycling today, it was just as well really, because I wasn't in the mood for being inspirational.

I called to see my Mum, on the way home. And cycled the 3 miles home, which was entirely trauma free, apart from this huge articulated lorry that passed me, honking his horn sooooo loudly!!! Completely unnecessarily!!

Just a foot note, that hasn't owt to do with 'my stuff'. But effects me greatly, my children have just come in, and brought me the most glowing school reports, I could ever hope for :) They got top marks for effort and the same for achievement.